a day in the life of..

Moving to Wordpress

2009-08-10T20:55:00.001+08:00

Hi All

I have now moved to http://erikbriones.wordpress.com/ hope to see you there!

hi ho

2008-10-15T20:49:00.001+08:00

havent written anything here for a year now i guess. i was just lead back to this link when i finished reading ian zafra's blog and wanted to comment on it.
;)

hey steff

2007-03-31T15:40:00.000+08:00

im no longer in cebu. =) msg me. erik.briones@gmail.com

tnx
erik

and now i write again #2

2006-10-21T04:20:00.000+08:00

in keeping with the previous post, it is exactly 1 month and 4 days since the last one.and decades since i wrote a good one here.

im sorry blog. it's just that it is no longer convenient for me to post my thoughts here. primarily because the ofc disallows the misuse of the internet. but dear blog, i have written some song poems for u.. hehe some really sad ones. i think there are like 5 of them already i dont know.

so where was i.

ok so now i finally got the time to write stuff. but i lost the magic of spontaniety.. .if there is such a word. my critics.. please check. heheh ok so im like insomniac right at this moment. why? because of some things that are not going my way. hehehe ok so im acting like a child. yes . maybe i am. but dont we all get disappointed when thing dont happen as we want them to be?

mine is a little different though. cos i believe in the saying .. a blessing in disguise. but then again who am i to predict the future.

blah blah blah...

oh well. if there's any good about tonight, it is the new adventure of my friend Arman. he is off to another place, and brave enough to go there alone, and with just a hand carried conviction to change his life... or at least do something worthwile.

i on the other hand, have spent my last few months drinking , playing games (not those that are called amusing, but mostly mind games... or the kind that is called.. the games people play). i have turned a quarter of a century older. but where am i? i am still stuck here. from where i was the day i was born. i might be older. heavier. and more knowledgeable of course.. but somehow it feels pretty monotonous already.. that i cannot wait to die and live again..

oh yeah.. nick drake. i love nick drake's songs.. pink moon and river man. and he was featured in The Lakehouse soundtrak.. i dont wanna elaborate as i have mentioned it already on previous blogs. but i just found out that he died at the age of 26. i was like wow.. that is a year from now for me. but what have i done? no pink moon and river man songs. no recording of some material that people notice.. well we did have one. hehehe but something of there level..

maybe i just overlooked at myself. maybe i should re assess. or maybe i should just die. either way.. the headache is starting to kick in now. lolz. and i dont know what to do. i want to sleep but yet not..

i was surprised to open my blog again and find the dmb song space between. that song was in my head for the past days, and i cannot remember exactly how the lines with ... u know u went off like the devil.. blah blah go. so there., i got my closure as i read the lyrics.

life is indeed full of surprises. they however dont guarantee a 100% to ur liking.

some surprises hurt

and they are the ones i dont like. like the kind that freezes my gmail and not be able to read my goddamn fucking emails. hehehe

what good is tomorrow? if i would be frank with myself.. tomorrow is now., as i can hear the roosters.. but to go in line with the feelings that the song Today, by smashing pumpkins... i say tomorrow is nothing to get excited about. today is the greatest day.. and yeah i cannot wait for tomorrow.. cos tomorrow is much too long... and i am too scared to let bad things happen to me .... that id trade the good ones.

so if tomorrow people will find out that i am already dead. i say to all of u.. see u again. =) and i love the people i love and u know who u are.. or at least ask some of my friends for reference.

but if tomorrow id still be alive. and it is because.... the pills didnt kick in. and yeah.. it might be just another boring day.

=)

and now i write again

2006-09-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

i have not been able to write in my blog for 1month and 2 days now. it's not that i havent been online, it's just that i dont have time to open my gmail and blogger (they're banned in my ofc.. argh!)

it's a lazy sunday afternoon. im at the porch, listening to the falling water from the filter in our aquarium.. and once in a while glance at the pool.. i wanted to take a dip since yesterday, but im too lazy to fix myself after. heheh

i had a couple of songpoems in my head for the past weeks which i wanted to write but then i forgot all of them at this moment. maybe it's because of last night's wine. (last morning)

no.

it is because i am not the writer that i hoped to be. hehe no. i am not going to hate myself. i had too much of that. i think im going crazy. because i wanted to. =P maybe i am. come hang out with me and you be the judge.

i have been reading too much Elliot Smith articles maybe. and killings.. and others.

but i am well, at least i think i am. i have begun to think of "things to dos" again.

like:
record our songs
go to singapore/hk/australia/ any local beach

and i think the latter is the most probable.

i have been watching simpson's videos almost every weekend. feeding myself with the mature humor and sattire that is guised in a cartoon.

so i ask myself. how am i doing? i think i am ok. im better than my pc. (im using my mom's laptop) my pc needs some SURGERY. i tried cleaning it this morning lolz. and it got worse. i am beginning to think that i have the reverse MidasTouch

how's the world doing?

i dont know.

an on the spot one liner that i made up last night.. right kar?

~*~ here's your cookie, and you decide my fortune ~*~

i dont even know if it's grammaticaly correct. poetic license invoked.

survival skills, and the methods of the "i-could-care-less"

2006-08-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

i am awfully sleepy already. .. sleepy and alcohol free at that. lol, but i think i need to write this one.

this morning while i was just starting to clean my car, an australian guy came to me. .. he is somewhere late 40s i think.. or early 50s, and he asked me, why every single day i clean my car.
he told me "why does this car gets clean everyday".. i replied to him, "it's because i work in mactan and it's very far from here and it gets dusty all the time"... frantically looking for some piece of evidence to prove my case,.. unfortunately.. there was none.

anyway he proceeded with his point.

he said." well back in Brisbane, we cannot do that" then he explained. that due to NO rainfall in 4YRS!... people are no longer allowed to use water to clean their cars, or even for gardening. Water is now used primarily for drinking.. and he said, that there are plans to even use sewage water for drinking.. but not literally of course.. sewage water has to go to some treatment / process and i bet my golden hair it may even come out 200% cleaner than our tap here. hehehe

but the news got me thinking. (i dont know if it is true though. as of my writing i didnt do any other "independent" research, my sole source-not for water- but for info is the aussie.)

anyway.. with that much of a problem, why is brisbane is still able to stay afloat?.. i mean.. if it was the Philippines., no rainfall for a year would mean *a decline in our economy, damaged agricultural sector*.. i dont knw., it's just me.. but .. two thumbs up for the citizens of brisbane and their government for keeping things in order amidst the problem of the lack of one of the most basic of all elements. (necessity)

this is what we should do. think together. and act together. i think that is what this country lacks. we are prone to say bad things about our own country (im guilty).. but all we needed after all these years... was to say. "Pare, i think what we need to do is this... ". And lets not forget the most vital part of getting things done.. *work till it gets done*

=)

i didnt know id end up so political... time to grab that book my Mr MArcos. =)

the space between...

2006-08-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

been thinking alot about alot lately. lolz. =)

and here's a song that came to mind....

You cannot quit me so quickly
there is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But Ive got all the time for you, love

The space between, the tears we cry
Its the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The space between, the wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?

These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like will it rain today?
We waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games were playing

Were strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild-eyed beast you be

The space between, the wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
Will I hold you...

Look at us spinning out in the madness of a rollercoaster
You know you went off like the devil in a church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we dont take this ship down
The space between, where you smile and hide
Where youll find me if I get to go

The space between, the bullets in our fire fight
Is where Ill be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls splashed in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into your room

The space between, our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand
cause were walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need dear

The space between, whats wrong and right
Is where youll find me hiding, waiting for you
The space between, your heart and mine
Is a space well fill with time

The space between...

the mouse harp fairy

2006-08-11T12:08:00.000+08:00

the mouse harp fairy

she plays the tunes in the morning
she plays it in the evening
bending the notes without care
in a delicate way that no one dares

in the streets of cobbled stones
she brings shivers to my bones
her frantic speech is defeaning
her evil smile so deceiving

dont come too close she'll bite you
dont go too far you'll lose her...

taking a break...

2006-08-11T12:00:00.000+08:00

i didnt go to the office today.. I AM SICK. literally. i went home at lunch yesterday, due to severe stomach pains.. =( and i feel really cold inside the office.

haaay.. i havent written anything on my blog for days now.

i can hear the waves crashing.. and i went to check it out this morning. .they are huge. some of the families living near the beaches (or on em) are being relocated. i hope they'll be alright...

but... if my health improves a bit .., id go skimboarding later. =)

god i miss my old self.

people and their addiction

2006-07-24T19:11:00.000+08:00

each one of us has his/her addiction. i define addiction as something that you "crave" for. you know that it will cause long term issues but you would rather trade it for the "moment's pleasure" (hmm i don't really know if it is 's or moments) anyway.

fuck . i dont know what to say anymore. lol

~~~

2006-07-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

my friends say you already found someone new
and that he is so in love with you
they say i should try to move on
and spend time on something else

but there is something they never knew
i could be dreaming or it could be true
you were loving me when i was with you

my friends say i should teach my heart
live a new life, and go back to the start
they say i should try to be happy again
and spend time on something else

but into your arms was the only world i knew
i could be dreaming or it could be true
you were loving me when i was with you

my friends say im losing my mind
they laugh and say that i am the stupid kind
please help me tell them our secret
please help me make them understand

that you gave me kisses so sweet
you gave me roses on the coldest days of winter
you gave me everything that i ever needed..

but now, where are my roses?

anna begins 2

2006-07-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

i got this from http://dnausers.d-n-a.net/dnetYjqY/ccfaq/aaea/ADAMSAYS.HTM

Anna Begins
"It's about denial -- how far you'll go to deny that something's really happening because it's too complicated, too terrifying, too difficult. It's about me and Anna: The relationship was supposed to be light -- we met on vacation -- but we got further into it and it became harder and harder."

it appears this song talks about the denial of "what's going on".

hehehehe

anna begins - counting crows

2006-07-19T14:23:00.000+08:00

Jesus christ. up to this moment im still stuck in a very wierd emotional state. its like i jst swallowed a golf ball that has been stuck in my throat for months. no kidding. it feels like that. it is relieving but then it creates a vacuum. and all the freaking emotions that i dont want to feel now starts to come in., and all that. fuck this.
You see. a couple of months back, i so often think about this song.. this "mystery" song that im sure i have heard before and read or discussed with someone (it appears the latter was more correct) the meaning of the song.
We come to the conclusion. that the story of the song is that there's this guy, who plays it cool. he says that all things are ok with him and this girl. he keeps convincing himself that he is on top of things.."i am not worried, i am not overly concerned".. cos maybe he's been there before.. but his friends tell him maybe this time., itll hit him.
then if he is confronted by the girl, and he can easily sway it away. and he has some "quick solutions" - i will just change my name.
then., when they get to the point where they face the truth. HE., realizes that he is in love with the girl. and this time, he sort of begs the girl that he is in love with her. but this time the girl shoves it away... because the girl thinks that LOVE has a lot of consequences and its not all romance and the fun part.
so there.
now that he finally decided that he is in love with the girl... ALas (lol what a term) the girl changed...
why? we will never know.. maybe the girl didnt have the same feeling as the guy.
take note of the lines,., "when she sneezes.. blah blah blah" i think it is the most romantic.
hehehe
here's the lyrics.

My friend assures me its all or nothingI am not worried- I am not overly concernedMy friend implores me for one time only,Make an exception. I am not not worriedWrap her up in a package of liesSend her off to a coconut islandI am not worried - I am not overly concernedWith the status of my emotionsOh, she says, were changing.But were always changingIt does not bother me to say this isnt loveBecause if you dont want to talk about it then it isnt loveAnd I guess Im going to have to live thatBut, Im sure theres something in a shade of grayOr something in betweenAnd I can always change my name if thats what you meanMy friend assures me its all or nothing`But I am not really worriedI am not overly concernedYou try to tell your self the things you try tell your self to makeYourself forgetTo make your self forgetI am not worriedIf its love she said, then were gonna have to think about theConsequencesShe cant stop shaking and I can t stop touching her and.....This time when kindness falls like rainIt washes her away and anna begins to change her mindThese seconds when Im shaking leave me shudderingFor days she says.And Im not ready for this sort of thingBut Im not gonna breakAnd Im not going to worry about it anymoreIm not gonna bend. and Im not gonna break andIm not gonna worry about it anymoreIt seems like I should say as long as this is love...But its not all that easy so maybe I should justSnap her up in a butterfly net-Pin her down on a photograph albumI am not worriedIve done this sort of thing beforeBut then I start to think about the consequencesBecause I dont get no sleep in a quiet room and...The time when kindness falls like rainIt washes me away and anna begins change my mindAnd every time she sneezes I believe its loveAnd oh lord.... Im not ready for this sort of thingShe s talking in her sleep-it s keeping me awakeAnd anna begins to toss and turnAnd every word is nonsense but I understand it andOh lord. I m not ready for this sort of thingHer kindness bangs a gongIts moving me along and anna begins to fade awayIt s chasing me away. she dissappears, and oh lord Im not ready for this sort of thing

Sunday. im up and working. =)

2006-07-16T07:45:00.000+08:00

it is a great sunday morning. i woke up at 7:15 hehehe. the swimmers outside are too noisy for me to wake up anyway. and yeah im working on some projects again. talking to my client from the states.

the sun is up, the sky is blue, its beautiful and so are you. *wink*

- Dear Prudence, by the Beatles

saturday night

2006-07-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

it's a saturday night and im at home. i just finished doing some parts of my project. a website. i didnt go to the office today. yea., we now have work on saturdays which is a major pain for me. In college, i made it a point never to take subjects that have saturdays.. why? i set that time for football. hehehe usually when the University Football League season comes, my saturdays are reserved just for the games. =) i played for the Mech Engineering team, and yeah.. i played for the Physics team as well. The league was interschool. i think we played agains cdc, uc, up and some other schools.. we never got to the finals. best we got was semis.. i cannot remember. =P

ok so it's another boring saturday. and it is sooo hot here. argh!

im gonna hit the showers later .. i guess. =)

i am quite worried about my health. tuesday till thursday i had this splitting headache. this morning well lunch time, i felt dizzy and nauseous. i dont know why. i just played NBA then. hehehhe but it was still on the first like 5mins.

well.., maybe i should go to a doctor. lolz

late this afternoon my uncle textd me., and everyone else, that he is sleeping in our family's house in andres abellana for the last time... in 50 years. yeah. we sold the house. (my father's and his siblings' house) and they split the money earned.

sad to say. that's where the house in Andres Abellana ended. in someone else's hand. I dont know what my dad, and my grandma and grandpa are saying now..(now that we cannot hear there comments) they mustve been sad as well. i missed the house. it was a huge house. it's got six rooms with a huge master's bedroom on the 2nd floor. where, we temporarily stayed for some months when my sister was on her last year in college.. or maybe 2 years before graduating.

and yeah... the street across is named after my late grandma. Concepcion Gantuangco Briones. and it is sad to know.. that there will be no brioneses around the area. where my dad grew up. if i had it my way.. my impractical emotionally driven way,,.. we keep the house.

but it doesnt work anymore. no one lives there practically. cept for an aunt and an uncle. the house is tooo old that if it could scream it would ask for a much needed facelift.

if., somehow i can find the means to buy the house. i would. but that is a longshot. i think in my lifetime i can never have the amount of money, even 1/10th of its price. lolz

but such is life. there are things that we really have to let go... no matter how priceless they are. it is very sad. and it made me even sadder actually writing about it.. and thinking about it.

i have just downloaded the mccartney song from the lakehouse. .oooh yeah. =)

4:51PM

2006-07-14T16:54:00.000+08:00

summer was fun
we were blessed by the sun

the leaves of autumn fell
as did i

you left me with winter

everything has time... but not our love.

2006-07-12T19:52:00.000+08:00

Just like V.I.Lenin's preface on the book "Imperialism the highest form of Socialism", i am going to advise on the conditions as to my writing this blog.

It is severely discouraged. lol. but there are no wars. present or the "cold" one. But maybe there is. one which dont have guns, but of decisions, hearts minds.. and godforsaken salaries.

well whatever.

my purpose for writing this blog is that i would like to note, that yesterday, it occured to me that i wanted to have a baby. yes. a baby boy. i hope he comes up already 4-5years old. and he can speak already. i would take care of him. give him everything he needed, spoil him at that. i would hug him. and kiss him. I dont know why that thought occured to me. But it was influenced by me hanging out in our family friend's house. And they have this adorable kid (who cried when i left their house after his bday party). And on that tuesday (i didnt go to work) i went to their house because i asked for help ..re: my car.

so when can i honestly.. realistically say that i can raise a child? not in the near future i guess. with the salary i have. i dont think i will be able to give him a "bright" future. lolz

well anyway.

i wasnt able to write that last Monday. I went to Badger's (bar) to watch the world cup. My team for that particular match won. And i won P200 as well. not bad. Considering i didnt sleep that night, and i slept at 5:30am and woke up at 7:30 to prepare for work... And i got drunk, and my car got drunk as well.. and tuesday was hell.

i had a friggin headache the wholeday.. even up to today. argh.

Last night i watched the Lennon Come Together concert again. And tried to figure out the how to play "Julia". =)

nice song..

i am the devik

2006-07-09T09:19:00.000+08:00

i dont know if this is funny... or this is destiny.
hehehe

but i tried it and guess what popped up.

You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans.
You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts.
At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation.
Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later!

Your fortune:

Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made.
You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down.
It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them.
It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Metallica \m/

2006-07-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

one beer and a few hours later....

i am logging on the internet. read my mails. .. and searched for Enter Sandman tablatures.

ok so this song is old. and probably everyone who adds gain to their guitar knows the riffs..

i came in a little late in this world... a little too late for the drugs of the 60s.

chill.

Lunchtime... day #2

2006-07-04T12:36:00.000+08:00

i find it unfair if i write something about my "new office" in its first day, so i made one on the 2nd day. is my excuse good enough? hehehe i dont even know if my doing this will cause me trouble, but i couldnt care less. yesterday i woke up a little earlier than usual. i went to the ofc earlier way earlier than my 9:30 sched as well.

i got here. greeted by everyone. questions,. useless info. nonetheless it was a warm welcome.

i had lunch at the canteen with the other creative guys. went back to my chair. no longer a cubicle, should u want to know. =P

i went out at exactly 7:09, and raced back to the city. i was driving a bit cautious. hehehe plus the fact that i was pretty much engrossed in my mileage/gas/consumption issue. argh

so i arrived at ramos at around 8:00pm. and all things went normal. meet up with the usual suspects. dinner and alcohol followed. i went home at around 11:30 though. LAME! hehehe true enough, i was tired to drive today.

Ahem. But driving to mactan today was a lot more exciting than yesterday.. i had 2 near accidents. lolz. i earned me 1000 hell points for that. =P

first.., i saw a multicab heading towards my direction (going back to the city) , and he was overtaking anothe multicab, so half of his body is on my lane. what i did, i also overtook the multicab on my lane. lol .. so we were like one hundred percent head on each other.. hahahhahaha and i swerved back, as he did.

we were like 2 fighter planes dodging each other.... hehehe sans the colored chaffe (i dont know if this is corerect)

it was a WHEW. then came my blindspot-overtaking. the van infront of me overtook a multicab and then i followed.. but i was quite certain there was something coming because the van swerved back to his lane. what a didnt expect was it was a HUUUUGE truck!. lolz. i had to push my brakes.. so did the yellow multicab on my right. and i made a sharp "go-back-to-my-lane" move. hehheheh

that .. made me happy. =)

back to what it's like here... im more productive here. i have been able to do the tasks that i normally dont do till the next day.. lolz you wouldnt understand if start talking about codes.. or maybe u would but lets just say i overdid myself php-wise. *wink* i am inspired. hahahhhah

the only problem here is the location. not of the entire office but of my desk. i loved my place in ramos. here, it's a bit too distracting. and the light shines upon me... i can see st peter's outstretched arms welcoming me to heaven.

=)

that is all folks. and yeah they say our instant messengers are being monitored. well.. read all you want guys.. read all you want.

When Did You Fall by Chris Rice

2006-06-29T17:11:00.000+08:00

You're all smiles and silly conversations As if this sunny day came just for you You twist your hair, your smile and you turn your eyes away Come on tell me what's right with you Now it dawns on meprobably everybody's talking There's something here I'm supposed to realize Your secret's out and the universe laughs at it's joke on me I just caught it in your eyes It's a beautiful surprise
When did you fall in love with me? Was it out of the blue? 'Cause I swear I never knew it When did you let your heart run free? Have you been waiting long? When did you fall in love with me? When did you fall in love?
Make your way over here, sit down by this fool and let's rewind Come on let's go back and replay all our scenes Point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time All the ones that slipped by me I bet my face is red and you can hear my heart pounding Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize 'Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now Right here before my eyes You're my beautiful surprise
When did you fall in love with me? Was it out of the blue? 'Cause I swear I never knew it When did you let your heart run free? Have you been waiting long? When did you fall in love with me? When did you fall in love?
Was it at the coffee shop? Or was it that morning at the bus stop? When you almost slipped and I caught your hand Or the time we built the snowman? The day at the beach, sandy and warm Or the night with the scary thunderstorm? I never saw the signs And we've got to make up for lost time And I can tell now by the way you're looking at me I better finish this song so my lips will be free Yeah
Have you been waiting long?When did you fall in love? I kept you waiting so long When did you fall? Have you been waiting long? When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?
Was it at the coffee shop? Or that morning at the bus stop? I never saw the signs No, no
'Cause I'm gonna fall I'm gonna fall I'm about to fall in love And I need to know When did you fall for me?
My lips will be free My lips are free My lips are free

listening to When Did You fall by Chris Rice

2006-06-29T14:35:00.000+08:00

a lot of trivial things happened to me in the last 24 hrs. so much suspense that Jack Bauer felt insecure. heheh ok.

so point #1, yesterday afternoon we got an e-mail (we the team) from our Manager that I will be moved to another location. argh.. my route would now be 2x, and as Albert pointed it out prolly more than 2x my travel time now. hmm..

i felt numbed. lolz i felt lazy.. again. i had a chat with my friend who is now in Dubai. He told me he is gonna look for a job for me there. There goes my future again, so many loose ends. but i will save all my rants on the later part.

evening came. Karen went to the gym to play table tennis. Dencio and I followed less than a minute later. I wasnt able to play because i didnt bring proper gym attire. argh. =(

so i went down.. i wanted to hang around outside the coffeeshop.. but it wasnt so good, it had just rained.. i walked back inside the receiving area., and read the news. people were coming in and out of the area . day shift people logged out EGRESS granted.. night shift people started to flock the area. ACCESS granted. fuck the area. =P

just as i was to go back up., i bumped into densio, telling me karen is no longer in the gym. I said i will just catch up with them. i will eat my dinner in the 7th floor pantry. That i guess is the first time ever that i ate my dinner at the pantry in my floor.

As i have said in the prior blog, an ex-officemate treated us to lunch.

I had my lunchbox (food) for dinner. I was eating so fast that i choked. it was the worst experience. lol. i thought i was gonna die. the place was quiet. and it was dark. i struggled to run to my desk to get my mug. (i just realized while writing this piece that there were other tumblers i can use without wasting a second or without moving an inch. but fuck that man).
So i got my mug and I ran back to the pantry to get water... wait.. i didnt i prayed to God there was water in my mug when i grabbed it and at that instant i dranked it.. putting my whole trust (life maybe) to God.

and true enough.. there was water. enough to clear my diaphragm.

after that incident. i smiled to myself. what couldve happened if right then and there i was too lazy or hesitated for a minute to move.. .. that could have been the end of me. and this blog. =P

so i went down to meet Densio and Karen. smoked a stick, and went into "panic" mode. it's late., me and karen didnt have our cars, it is raining.. and we needed alcohol.. FAST.

hahahah and then Ooming came. Oming is our newest classmate. He dropped out of Sober'sHigh. so he enrolled to our school. hopefully the entire sem.. , and maybe as long as we all get our PHDs.

after some conversation (non of em in the same level as we usually do when we are not so sober.. lesser sense of urgency., lesser emotions. lol).. it was more attuned with the cold piss from Zeus.

i decided to go home. raincheck. and i was greeted by a dead rat in the pathway. =P "so long you rascal" ehehe literally. i saw a dead rat. and i got into the L I T O C book again. How the city was so dirty and Dr Juvenal Urbino's dad blah blah blah.. helped blah blah.. im not for him. im for Florentino Ariza. =P read the book and you will understand.

When i went home. i got undressed. And i slept. time check 20mins before 10pm. oh yeah i read some pages of the book. but the idea that night was to sleep. Sleep so that when i wake up, all teh hassles of the day and the days to come will be gone. Well i half-believed it would be true. ='(

i woke up around 3am. drank water. and slept.... but before that...

I had a very strange experience. I said to myself this year i will be 25, i need to work somewhere where i can be "extremely" wealthy in my last year., that is when i will be 27. hehehe that was a funny thought. but not so funny when i had a vision.

that i didn t die. because i begged not to. and i was somewhere in my 90s and that day.. I WAS certain that i would die. and some thoughts were very clear... that i felt pain in my heart. i dont know why. but i somehow i felt that time when you are certain that you will die and you did... and "you're dead" blah blah. ok so i jumped into the future when i said to myself "oh no, this is it" and i died..

i felt the emptiness. but i what lingered was the second in between. the pains of the things i shouldve done.. and those i should not have done.

morning came. i woke up at 7. watched tv. i didnt eat breakfast. our helper went to the province..

everything was normal. i am usually my cool not so sad not so happy self. but now more than ever.. i needed someone to be with me. my life seems so lonely. argh. yeah it is. i am actually more troubled than i look. lol i understand some people have "trouble" with the way i look. but that is in another grammar.

but i believe things will go well.. for me and everyone else. and for you... who i will spend my whole life with.. soon.

ahhahahhaha you guys check out When Did You Fall by Chris Rice.. it is a nice pick. thanks Jill for pointing my way to the song. =)

yay ger

2006-06-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

another sleepy afternoon. this day would've been just one of those boring, non-so unique days of rainy June, had it not been for the LUNCH. hehehhe =)

Samantha treated us(me and some officemates) to lunch. =) thanks sam!

i am currently listening to my "kasakit songs" the current song is Breathe by Telepopmusik.. .. wait.. now it is Flying High by Jem,. heheh whoa!.. nice nice

last night me, karen, xylon and ruel went to kahayag. me and ruel wanted to play onstage when the band was still having a break. but we didnt. i ate a lot. and drunk 2 glasses of rhum hehehe. its a good evening.. not sober but not drunk. and again.. i almost hit a Dump Truck. hehehe i dont know.. maybe im not a very good driver. but then again, the fact that it is always an "almost" makes me a good one. right? =)

anyway. i was very bored this morning and frankly the whole day..

so i searched through the old pictures from the fileserver.. and whoa. i got me some old pics.. during that Christmas party when our band play...

i edited it to look like the lakehouse ad. notice the guy in full colors? lolz

Satellite - BT

2006-06-28T16:36:00.000+08:00

We'd like you to leave immediately.

(Next subject...)

We can see the satellite at uh,
a distance of about uh,
I guess over 15 miles here.

It looked like a star as you looked up.

See here, we have a beautiful view
of the earth down below as the satellite departs.

She smells of the sun
and she's constantly saying
that's it's all right,
because lies sound so nice.
And like soil to seed goes
to casting my fears aside...

She says, "The satellite is coming".
I pray, the wrecking ball is waining
She says, "The satellite is coming.
It's come to take us home".

Satellite...

Still smells of the sun
and the light that brings healing
is burning my eyes
and the dark seems so nice
and I'm choking on blessings that I can receive
I hide.

She says, "The satellite is coming".
I pray, wrecking ball is waining.
She says, "The satellite is coming.
It's come to take us home".
[repeat out]

Love in the Time of Cholera, and grammar

2006-06-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

here's an edited version... i was embarrased to read my writing this morning.lol

=========================================

ok ., so i havent finished the book yet. let me make that clear. but i am sooo proud as to have had a chance to read one. =) I got interested in this book for only one reason, that it was used in the movie Serendipity.

Fortunately. (poverty of words) i have with me a borrowed copy.

And as i was reading last weekend,.. words can't express how much the book has enchanted me. two thumbs up to Mr. Marquez. =) i dont read books that much. The last one i read was Omerta. it was a great read as well. this one is different. it is in every sense.. a series of romantic words weaved into a story that dont only awaken your senses, but tells you a thousand "somethings" about LOVE.

i cannot fully describe the feelings the book invokes .. not when it says..

- that the boy's mother is aware that his son has a sickness.. but she isnt sure that it is cholera or it is love.. for both have the same symptoms...

- that the boy's love interest.. somehow felt, that when she attends High Mass, and when the choir plays the church hymns,.. she is certain that the violin plays only for her.... ahem, the boy plays the violin.

that, and i haven't read half of the book yet.
=)

argh....

*just a thought,
someone can continue loving someone else for half a century, even if this someone already has a family of her own.

hmmm..

Love in the Time of Cholera

2006-06-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

ok ., so i havent finished the book yet. let me make that clear. but i am sooo proud as to have had a chance to read one. =) I got interested in this book for only one reason, that it was used in the movie Serendipity.

Fortunately. (poverty of words) i have with me a borrowed copy.

And i was reading last weekend,.. words can't expressed how much the book has enchanted me. two thumbs up to Mr. Marquez. =) i dont read books that much. The last one i read was Omerta. it was a great read as well. this one is different. it is in every sense.. a series of romantic words weaved into a story that dont only awaken your senses, but tells you a thousand "somethings" about LOVE.

i cannot fully describe the feelings the book invokes .. not when it says..

- that the boy's mother is aware that his son has a sickness.. but she isnt sure that it is cholera or it is love.. for both have the same symptoms...

- that the boy's love interest.. somehow felt, that when she attends High Mass, and when the choir plays the church hymns,.. she is certain that the violin plays only for her.... ahem, the boy plays the violin.

that, and i haven't read half of the book yet.
=)

argh....

*just a thought,
someone can continue loving someone else for half a century, even if this someone already has a family of her own.

hmmm..

a loser pauses and ponders....

2006-06-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

what good is writing all these words
when you think they are meaningless

what good is my playing the guitar
when you dont hear the melody of my heart

what good is my living this life
when i know you wont want to share it with me

what good is loving you,..
when i know someone else can love you better.

4:43 pm

2006-06-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

i had my short break from work. and i surfed for any thing readable. hehehe

i looked for led zeppelin, in wiki. and then i was led to a robert downey jr movie. then to his bio. and then i remembered the film Only You. Starring mr d jr., and ms. tomei. =)

i dont have enough info about the movie now. but i remember something wierd happened while i was watching this movie way back when i was still 2nd year college. heheh

hmmm. i need to sleep

hmmm...

2006-06-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

i walked with her under the pouring rain
we shared my jacket as we skipped to the car
i held her hand and we are shaking cold,
then we laughed and drove off

i basked with her in the summer sun
took a dip into the ocean till sundown
waited for the light to turn to dark
and had dinner under the moonshine

i am everything she has hoped for
she's everything i ever wanted

you and i both know that i loved her
but i cannot love her as much as i do you,
cos girl she only looks a lot like you...

.. just so i wont forget

2006-06-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

i have been forgetting a lot of things lately. i remember texting my best girl bud early one morning telling her that there is some new id like to tell her.. but then when she textd me last night. i totally forgot about it. hehe i called her, i was drunk and apologized. anyway...

last night i had a wierd dream.

i dreamed i was riding a mountain bike in one unknown hill. argh.. just as i am writing this piece, im listening to Chicane's No Ordinary Morning..

f*** anyway. so i was riding a bike. and then suddenly it was a race. it was muddy.. or something. then i was called by the umpire(linesman) whatever. he told me that i didnt register. so i have to go all the way back .. and go to a booth in SM. and register there.

hehehe. then i dreamt i told my sis im moving to this house in the SOuth. i told her id be going there this weekend.

hmmm...

... just finished another song poem

2006-06-19T17:10:00.000+08:00

please check "walk home" hehehe that piece has been on the draft for days now.
=P

i had just found time to continue it. though, ultimately it no longer had the feeling it had before. tsk tsk.

=)

talk about fleeting emotions

and an utterly useless sh*T hahahahha see "drowned" below.

Drowned

2006-06-19T17:03:00.000+08:00

you know when you have seen it all
the soles of your shoes goes thin
tired of walking the life out of you
into the arms of what you dont know

don't be scared
i am here, as i was here before

dont you know the world is small
it wouldve ended before it will begin
so tired of the strife of what's true
into the arms of the fool's hearts

don't be scared
i will love you, as i loved you before

the truth is when it is all gone
nothing remains but the face of the one that changed your life
so if you would just sit still
your mind wont drown

2006-06-19T14:09:00.000+08:00

turin brakes lyrics

Pain Killer - Turin Brakes

2006-06-19T13:55:00.000+08:00

for my love of Launchcast.. and the lack of it now.. i will just have to do with reading the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.. heheh =(

Batten up the hatches, here comes the cold
I can feel it creeping, it's making me old
You give me so much love that it blows my brains out

You need something better than the bacon and eggs
The creaking in the walls and the banging in the bed
You give me so much love that it blows my brains out

Summer rain,dripping down your face again
Summer rain,praying someone feels the same
Take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle

Leave all this misery behind
My love giving me head, feeling very guilty,breaking the bread
Losing my attention, taking the world on

So batten up the hatches, here comes the cold
I can feel it creeping, it's making me old
You give me so much love that it blows my brains out

Summer rain,dripping down your face again
Summer rain,praying someone feels the same
Take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle
Leave all this misery behind
My love, my love, my love, my love oh my love

Summer rain,dripping down your face again
Summer rain,praying someone feels the same
Take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle
Leave all this misery behind

Summer rain,dripping down your face again
Summer rain,praying someone feels the same
Take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle
Leave all this misery behind

saturday

2006-06-19T13:18:00.000+08:00

i woke up around 11am last saturday. ate lunch a few mins after.. and around 1pm, went back to bed. for some reason i feel very lazy.,.. and very tired at that.

i woke up around quarter to 5pm.. then i started texting people what they were up to. some plans didnt push through. ='( but its all good. luckily my friends, arman, mark and others are in the mall. they are planning to watch Lakehouse. i wanted to watch the movie, and i know if i plan to watch it this week there is a very slim chance it is happening.

so i made a quick bath.. i aint so stinky no more jill. hehehe =p

it was raining. but i felt i had to go out of the house that night. i dont know why. wait, i just remembered... well i forgot if i ate dinner but i assumed i did. i borrowed P500 from my money in the house. because i wasnt able to withdraw some cash earlier., but what's odd is i spent P300 on gas, and P200 on the oil.. so im back to having a few pesos left in my wallet. Up until now i dont know why i did that. lolz. =P

anyway. so i went to this mall. and parking is hell... karen confirmed it later. lolz.. and i even stole someone else's "assumed" spot. he/she honked me. for the first time in my life, doing something bad didn't feel so right. hahahaha =) yeah. well i dont know. i sort of felt guilty or something. but there was nooooo path lines. =P

anyway. so there i went up to the mall it was around 6++ and we bought the tickets, and i went to get me some cash at an ATM. while arman and our friend went to look for Havaianas..,. Arman and Jerus went to the parking lot, cos jerus wanted to get some stuff from Arman's car. then they texted us that the FREE parking lot is now open. so me and Bontic raced to where we parked. She got there first. lolz.

I was on a line, going out of the parking lot, i handed out my P50 (for a P10 parking fee)... and for some "unknown" reason i stepped on the gas and sped away. without getting my change. and parked at the free parking. lol next to my friend's cars..

i went inside the mall. thinking why i did that. and if i should go back to get my change. thinking that i transferred to a free parking to save money but i wasted P40 anyway. what b.s. =P

anyway. i climbed the escalator. and i was at the 2nd floor. i textd my friends, and they told me they were waiting just at the entrance in the ground floor. waaaah. and i came down to meet them and they told me... "u shouldve said u were up already." i said to myself.. yeah.. why didnt i do that./ ='( talk about preoccupied with the invisible. lolz.

so we fall in line for the movie.. the LAke House. i dont know if it's in two separate words or not, im too lazy to check now..

after the movie.. (im not gonna talk much about the movie) anyway.. so we went to BTC, and ate some pizza,spag and SPICY CHICKEN WINGS. lheheh ..

then we went to Badger's to watch the world cup. when we came in, the Portugal and Iran match ended with 2-0(portugal). .. and a few mins later Ghana an Czech started. we left at half time , Ghana scored 1-0 . , the goal was scored at 2mins from kickoff. hehehhe

they brought their cars to btc. i left mine at the mall.. lolz.. luckily it wasnt sitting alone in the parking lot..(and not without the rims or vandalized)

and we went home. not so sober.. but not at all drunk.

cheers!

The Lake House - original soundtrack

2006-06-19T09:39:00.000+08:00

1. This Never Happened Before _ Paul McCartney
2. (I Can’t Seem To) Make You Mine _ The Clientele
3. Time Has Told Me _ Nick Drake
4. Ant Farm _ Eels
5. It’s Too Late _ Carole King
6. The Lakehouse _ Rachel Portman
7. Pawprints _ Rachel Portman
8. Tough Week _ Rachel Portman
9. Mailbox _ Rachel Portman
10. Sunsets _ Rachel Portman
11. Alex's Father _ Rachel Portman
12. Il Mare _ Rachel Portman
13. Tell Me More _ Rachel Portman
14. She's Gone _ Rachel Portman
15. Wait For Me _ Rachel Portman
16. You Waited _ Rachel Portman
17. I Waited _ Rachel Portman

i sure was haunted by the voice that started to sing "i'm very sure this never happened to me before i met you and now i'm sure this never happened before " only to realize that it was sang by SIR Paul McCartney himself. =( i sure am a lennon fan.. but this time, Paul did a song that sends me back to his "No More Lonely Nights" days.. or his other ballads. (obviously not a paul fan).

great great song. *thumbs up*

hmm.. i was certain that i heard Nick Drake's Pink Moon in the movie. but as i "googled" it was another Nick Drake song.. hmmm. see? and i have just searched for N.D.'s pink moon lyrics and it goes "I saw it written and I saw it sayPink moon is on its wayAnd none of you stand so tallPink moon gonna get you allIts a pink moonIts a pink, pink, pink, pink, pink moon." . Well, correct me if im wrong but i think i heard that in the movie. =(

suddenly. i missed listening to launchcast. my genre is Cool As Folk. it is my ultimate DOWNER music. hehehe well, its a clean substitute to the mostly unacceptable form of keeping my heart cool. whatever.

so the eels have their score up there too.

Here are the lyrics to the songs, sans the score...

This Never Happened Before - Paul McCartney

i'm very sure this never happened to me before
i met you and now i'm sure
this never happened before
now i see this is the way it's supposed to be
i met you and now i see

this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be
for lovers they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own

so come to me now
we can be what we wanna be
i love you and now i see

this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be
for lovers they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own
i'm very sure this never happened to me before
i met you and now i'm sure
this never happened before (this never happened before)
this never happened before (this never happened)
this never happened before (this never happened before)

(I Cant Seem TO) Make You Mine- Clientele(Verse 1)
In the silence of the garden
Moss arizing on the wind
And the beast is pondering love love love
'Till the rusty nail grow dim

(Chorus)
I can't seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand

(Verse 2)
So I lingered with the people
In the silent August glade
But the rain has brought the night
And the night has brought the rain
(Repeat Chorus)

Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake

Time has told me
You're a rare rare find
A troubled cure For a troubled mind.
And time has told me
Not to ask for more

Someday our ocean
Will find its shore.
So I`ll leave the ways that are making me be
What I really don't want to be

Leave the ways that are making me love
What I really don't want to love.
Time has told me
You came with the dawn
A soul with no footprint
A rose with no thorn.
Your tears they tell me
There's really no way
Of ending your troubles
With things you can say.

And time will tell you
To stay by my side
To keep on trying 'til there's no more to hide.
So leave the ways that are making you be
What you really don't want to be
Leave the ways that are making you love
What you really don't want to love.

Time has told me
You're a rare rare find
A troubled cure
For a troubled mind.
And time has told me
Not to ask for more
For some day our ocean
Will find its shore.

Ant Farm - Eels

Hate a lot of things
But i love a few things
And you are one of them

Hard to believe
After all these years
But you are one of them

Walk down the streets I'm thinking:
Everybody move along
I've got a sad-hearted needing
To belong

Nevertheless
It's all the mess you made
But i can't let it go

Walk down the streets I'm thinking:
Look at all the ants in a farm
I've got a sad-hearted feeling
To harm

Hate a lot of things
But i love a few things
And you are one of them

pinch me

2006-06-16T16:21:00.000+08:00

taken from the Barenaked Ladies song that just played a while ago.

hmmm. i was trying to renew my msn passport password, when i saw this movie ad. It's a Sandra Bullock/Keanu movie.. hmm.. what intrigued me (besides the fact that i have just finished the one week task) lolz. i was intrigued by the artwork.

>>>>> link added http://thelakehousemovie.warnerbros.com/?campaign=thelakehouse;amp&advertising=msn

how come Sandra's (whatever her name in the story is) face is in full color.... and Keanu is in black and white?

hmm..

i clicked it.. and found out about the movie. the LakeHouse.. =)

being the sucker for true love (the one that's meant for you thing) that f***ed up lie. lol, i watched the entire trailer.. and whoa!

i think Wicker Park and Serendipity got budged at the top of the list.. but then again that is highly debatable... the trailer started with a skating rink scene... hmmm another Serendipity?

what makes it more catchy for me is that it talks of a summer house.. hahaha the house in Samboan.

hmm.. could someone from another time have left me a note there? and... i was just too lazy to ride a bus ... ='(

there goes the love of a lifetime. *wink*

hoohum

2006-06-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

i havent blogged for 2 days now. well a lot more than that, sans the useless thought i have said on the 13th.

im quite busy. and preoccupied with something invisible. i havent blogged that 2 days ago i almost got into another car accident. this time it's with a bulldozer. hehehe well, the bulldozer was moving from the center lane to the outer.. and i was speeding at the outer lane because it is the only empty lane (this happened again at the South Reclamation Project). the angled bulldozer continued to move even if i was visible.. lol.. i almost hit the sharp teeth of the godamn machine!

=)

but im alive. and im glad i am.

life is good. or not really. it is only a fair trade of not dying. death is the absence of feeling, therefore the absence of happiness and, trouble or pain. so which one would you rather choose?
i choose life, even if it almost seem useless and boring... and i complain a lot. but id rather be alive than dead.

before we go around in circles in that morbid issue. i'd like to note that rainy season is indeed here. i used to love the rain. when i was young, me my sis and my friends would go running around under the rain... =) and then we'd jump into the pool..

and then it would be time to bathe and dry up <-- we ultimately hate this part.

forward 15years. we barely meet with my childhood friends. sometimes, we just hang out around the pool (swimming or taking a dip, for some reason is a lot less appealing now).
we just drink, talk and play the guitar. we no longer even play hide and seek...

the weather has changed. we already bid goodbye to summer.

im still the same. in my perspective though. although i am quite sure that some people may say that i have changed. well, a friend of mine told me that i did. but in what way, i will never know.

@ office. i have been slacking off. but this week we were given a task. hmm i volunteered to help my team with the task. we need to edit some pictures a LOT of em. its all good. i learned some new technicques (spellcheck) hehehe Photo-editing is a challenging task. I edited this certain model's lips because half of it was cover by a "scene-stealing" tropical fish.

=P

there are sooo many things that i would like to say now in this blog. but they escape me. they want to go unnoticed. untouched. im listening to Billy Corgan and his guys.. play "TOday" which happens to be a suicide song. argh! enough of that. my lfe may not be the best that it is. i may not have the things that i want.. or the people, but i will go on living...

we are in the mid day of the mid month of 2006. what have you accomplished lately?... father time, you move so darn fast you caught me off guard. well im the guy that thinks slow, reacts even slower.. it is a talent, a curse a gift. mea culpa

walk home

2006-06-13T16:25:00.000+08:00

walk home

i know you are out of town again
there's nothing left for you here
so you had to walk away

i am waiting for that moment
when all you had to to do dear
is walk home, walk home

you know better than to say amen
drown yourself with pity's beer
so you had to walk away

the rain in your head says your all done
watching you go far from near
i pefectly understand

but what i am hoping for is that moment
when all you had to to do dear
is walk home, walk home

at least something is working

2006-06-13T10:55:00.000+08:00

i was just able to fix my sitemeter and tracking codes. whew.
=)

i officialy like the band AIR

2006-06-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

call me "johnny-come-lately" but i just heard an album by Air..

and i like em. i like em a lot. that i want to listen to this all night and smoke pot.

ahhahaha no.. just listen to this. =)

im cleaning up my act now.

.. an isolated environment

2006-06-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

i walked thru the stairs going down one floor below., i noticed that the city is gloomy. it is dark , the trees arent swaying... even the buildings are stiff. lolz. i f***ing want them to sway. =P

anyway. it is quiet too... but what got me most is how, this office.. or our office makes us unaware of the goings on outside. hmm.. if there had been a wild fire outside we wouldnt know... unless we look out of the windows.

hmmm.. it makes me wonder, if there is more to life than what i see..

no need to ask that. there actually is =)

i love life... although it is painful

Courtney Love raaaawwks!

2006-06-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

All the Drugs

Devil’s driving my car tonight and he’s drunk
He’s pissed, he’s mad, I don’t care which of you he fucks up
I have played with fire and the matches that cut him up
They can try to shut me up
They never will, they never will again

With all the drugs (2X)
With all the drugs in the world
You can’t shut up that girl

There’s no one who can
Obliterate the truth cause there’s no lies that I could be and you would know

With all the drugs (2X)
But there’s all the drugs in the world (2X)
Ohhhh, ohhhh, yeah

With all, all of my money
With all, all of my love
With all, all of my money it doesn’t feel as good as the drugs

With all the drugs in the world
You can’t shut up that girl
With all the drugs in the world (2X)

Gonna make you, every inch of you
Oh, baby I’ll burn you till the lights all die
You’ll never, ever, ever fuck like me
So baby, why, why do you even try

Generation, it has slipped away
Baby, they leave no trace of it behind
Steal the power of the powerful man
Baby, leave here with me, leave here tonight

i hope i get to see this movie

2006-06-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

this is not entirely a pinoy indie film. but i hope i get to watch this. hmmmm
=)

http://movies.msn.com/Movies/movie.aspx?m=583511&stab=3

im gonna buy me a stairway to heaven

2006-06-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

im currently listening to this (satanic) classic, Stairway To Heaven. but the version im listening to now is of Bellanova. hmm i figured i would be uploading the songs or mp3s i will mention in my blog (if i have them) and post em in multiply so if anyone likes to here them, they can just dload it from there.

anyway. before i stray. or thesong ends.. ehhehe i think this song is not satanic., or talking about drugs. not at all. lolz not when u know led zep (the original composers) are not so sober. hahaha and yeah they have some affiliation to Mr Crowley(refer to a The Doors song) .

so what does this song say to me now?

hmm.. nothing but the words "someday i will get to heaven". yes, we all know that sometimes words have two meanings. and sometimes, they could mean nothing at all. they are "relative" right len? hehehe relative to the person, saying, listening, reading, writing... or freakin singing.

yes there are two paths i can go by. true. in fact, there are a million different choices in a million different seconds in our lives. the probability of walking the same path (given the power to relive your life) is 1 : 1000000000 . and that is a lot . lolz

there's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure. i can relate to this. reading this symbollicaly, for me it means trying to bend the rules.. there is a sign. you know what you ought to do, but still you try to force the anti-thesis of things.. saying.. maybe... maybe i can do this (even though the sign says otherwise).. . true. most of us hate to read the manual from the new LCD monitor we just bought. we try to figure it out by ourselves, or from the quick instructions from the sales guy.

case in point. our pioneer dvd player. almost a year now and i still dont know how to save FM stations. lolz. cos i didnt read the manual.or i think i did, but skimmed through it.

sometimes all our thoughts are misgiven, sometimes people's thoughts are relayed in a different manner. so we better watch out for these kinds of "relayed communication"

it makes me wonder.. really makes me wonder. lolz

im sorry, im just writing crap while the song is progressing and actually repeating 5x now. and im trying to say something witty out of it. but nothing comes out of my wretched mind. lolz

if you wanna hear some digestible insight about the song.. check this link

http://www.soundstage.com/forasong/forasong200601.htm

swimming

2006-06-08T16:30:00.000+08:00

when i came to the ofc this morning i was driving more carefully than yesterday. i told my mom i almost had an accident but i didnt tell her the exact story. i trimmed the 80km/h part and the shades. lolz

anyway.,. while driving (cruisin) . i was very late already but i didnt mind.

the music playing is Out Of My League but it wasn't Stephen Speaks version. i think that was a local pinoy artist doing it in accoustic and i like it =)

this line struck me most...

"cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea , but i'd rather be here than on land "

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

coz i love her with all that i am

it's her hair and her eyes today

that just

and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she's all that I see and she's all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a master for melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land

yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

2006-06-07T10:54:00.000+08:00

if i had fixed my life,
would you have loved me?
if i had finished school with honors,
would you have loved me?
if i was more brilliant,
would you have loved me?
if i was more interesting,
would you have loved me?
if i was more athletic,
would you have loved me?
if i was born from a well-to-do brood,
would you have loved me?
if i had cut my hair neat,
would you have loved me?
if i had shaved my face clean,
would you have loved me?
if i had carried myself well,
would you have loved me?
if i was good looking,
would you have loved me?
if i was soft-spoken,
would you have loved me?
if i wasnt laid back and was more serious in life,
would you have loved me?
if i wasnt so into music,
would you have loved me?
if i never did crazy things,
would you have loved me?
if i never did drugs,
would you have loved me?
if i never hang out with my "bad" friends,
would you have loved me?

if i had the good things that i dont have, maybe you would have loved me

traffic light says yellow... meaning Caution

2006-06-07T09:43:00.000+08:00

life is not only unfair, it is full of bs too.
i feel like someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it.

what i day. it started with me almost causing a 3 car pile up at the South Reclamation Road. hehe I just put on my shades, driving at 8okm/h (oops beyond max). When i tried to look at the rear view mirror to check myself, i didnt notice that the car in front of me made a sudden stop. Thank God i was able to push my brakes. It made a squeeeeaaking sound.

The reason why both cars infront of me stopped? A small motorcycle, driven by this stupid guy, suddenly stopped.. ... because the driver went to pee. I think he was drunk. well fuck i dont care about him or his life. he shouldnt have caused me that trouble.

but anyway. that's not the reason for this morning's heartache. lolz.

it is something else.

the hobbits with elvin english

2006-06-06T16:00:00.000+08:00

i am not on something. i swear. i didnt drink beer last night. =)

but i think i am hearing , well let's start with "seeing" hobbits in the office.
they walk around carrying papers with numbers on them.. millions of numbers
balance sheets and other stuff

they go to the copying machine, they sign the papers (to launch an attack on the orcs, maybe)

but what is most astonishing is that, although their primary language is that of the hobbits (lol, i need research in this area) , their 2nd language is elvin.

curiosly, they shift from mother tongue to elvin in a snap of a finger... that is.,.., when King Hobbit comes. lolz. i dont know.

well this freaking King Hobbit.. goes around.. and comes around my village too.

see? as of the moment.., the hobbits are still speaking in Language #1.

soon when King Hobbit (of Mordor) lolz.. comes out of his tent, and walks around...
these hobbits.. will talk Elvin again.

Paging legolas.

the ballad of the 24 somethings

2006-06-06T15:55:00.000+08:00

u wake up and u go to the shower
u eat breakfast and brush ur teeth
u fix ur hair and u fix urself
u go to the office and then the day dies there

i say die, because i think there is nothing much to office life
other than a lonely chair that reclines back to a 120 degrees

now you go home and get drunk by yourself
and you become a bit smarter than who you really are
and you start to ask yourself,
is this worth it?

you guess not, pulled a gun and shoot urself
at least you did not die of old age, u said.

and you start to

A Staring Contest with a Flower

2006-06-06T11:04:00.000+08:00

i went to church last sunday
and on my way home i walked into the park

there i saw a beggar, he was sitting on the bench
what's odd was, i was almost certain he was as old as me
25, maybe. If only he had his hair cut well, and his face clean shaven
and maybe if he ate at least once a day.

i sat at the bench on the other corner
trying to figure out what he was doing
he was speaking as if in a conversation with someone
but i examined further he was writing down something

i also noticed that his body is somewhat bent
was he inspecting the cobbled stones? or perhaps the flowers

after a few minutes he hummed a tune and left

i went to the bench where he was and found out
that indeed he wrote something down,
his very own poem, written in the simplest of words
entitled "A Staring Contest with a Beautiful Flower"

i cannot speak the words he spoke
but somehow i felt like i understood him

he was staring at the flower for months now
and he notices how beautiful it was
he always wanted to bring the flower home
but he didnt know how to take care of it

every day he looks up to see if the flower is doing fine

then something occured to me
i must be eating lunch now...

=P

revenge of the nice guys....

2006-06-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

i wrote a million words about you
and will write some more

because they say love is not selfish
i set you free, i let you go
but nothing can the describe the feeling
when i see you with someone else
how, when you never tried

the thoughts that fill my head
are the very thoughts that break my heart

i never told you, but this is true
a thousand raindrops fell on me
each one of them filled with unexplainable solitude

the bitter cold that covers my skin
everytime i see you with him

i wish i had never said this
but may i begin to tell you about my mornings
a radiant sun, that speaks of a new day
but what good is today?
if it only adds up to the days you're not here

and the nights... the stars my love
one and one billion of them
resemble the chances you could have been mine

but we just let it all go
we were gods
we thought we can control destiny
but we cant

i can't begin to express how happy i am
now that you're in my arms again, my love.

here

2006-06-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

i will finish this last bottle of beer
and walk away from here
i want to be where the birds fly free
and they can be as high as they want to be

dont try to find meaning in here
everything means nothing my dear
mountains and oceans, the beaches and the sea
let's go find that world for you and me

earlier this morning...

2006-06-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

earlier this morning.. those f***ing TAXI drivers...., borrowed my car tools.

=P

erik is a dealer... ere a leader.

2006-06-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

if you drink every day of the week (except sunday) and still be able to keep your job...

you are a Champion. and that is you erik. you are A LEADER. A CHAMPION

ahhahahah

WTF. =P

rage against the taxis

2006-05-29T10:26:00.000+08:00

i woke up at 7 in the morning today. i wanted to be early in the ofc. but i was sooo tired due to the fact that i woke up 3x prior to deciding its really time to move out of bed.

anyway. so i head out to the car park. and started washing my car. there were some taxis parked also. those were owned by our neighbor, i think they are about 5 of them. so the carwash boys started cleaning the taxis, and i can see the drivers sitting at the side.

i dont know, there is something about them that i really hate. they seem very arrogant and they dont even help in the cleaning. well i remember one time, while i was cleaning my car, one of the drivers approached me and offered me some of his old rags. i was like.. WTF i can buy you a thousand of those. lol. but i didnt react. i just told him "thanks", and told him to just leave it there.

whoa! that same driver was there. And then i saw him approaching his "designated" taxi. and when he was near his the driver's door, he made a comment on the girl that passed by... in my mind i was like bullshit. you shouldnt do that. (the gentleman in me protested) lol..
but one of the drivers out in the far corner stared at me. so i stared back at him.

these fucking drivers are starting to get into my nerves.

anyway. i didnt give a damn about him. i know these people. they are not worth the sweat... lol
fast forward. i was driving in the South Reclamation Project (a very long highway...)

and then there is this very fast nissan taxi that swerved and .... eventually got caught at the end of the highway for not putting those lights at the top of taxis (i dont know what they are called).
lol.. the taxi met his maker. ahhahahha

anyway. then there is this curve where i have to make a u-turn, and then there is this taxi at my left side half of the car's body is ahead of me, so i didnt mind that he went ahead, but there is this other taxi who tried to cut me off following that first taxi. again my road rage buttons where pushed. lol. i blocked him. he almost hit the incoming traffic. lol.. so he swerved to my right. but he was put on a halt, because a jeepney stopped. and then again he tried to overtake at my left but i blocked him again i tailgated the taxi infront leaving him no choice but to hit on his brakes and follow me. i almost hit the taxi infront of me. hahahah because i sped up although it was a busy street. and he almost hit me as well. then with the help of another jeepney crossing at the intersection, the evil taxi successfully (spellcheck) went passed me via the right lane.

it all happened so fast.. but it was FUN. =P

hehehe there i smiled. i figured i block better than Ferrari's #2 driver. hahahah

2006-05-29T00:17:00.000+08:00

"and think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course..."

the cure for the sickness

2006-05-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

lolz. i just have to make a poetic title of my weakening health right now. =)

i felt "un-ok" a few hours ago (and the past days). but im cool now. i got really dehydrated yesterday after a session with the band... and after classes. lolz.

=)

now im good after downing a couple downers.. hahaha.. no no.. i just drank water.

=P

you guys better watch Walk The Line... Greeeeat movie.

My Drug Buddy

2006-05-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

currently listening to this very nice song from the Lemonheads. =) this song means a lot to me.. i dont know why. =P

Shes coming over,
Well go out walking,
Make a call on the way.

Shes in the phone booth now,
Im looking in.
There comes a smile on her face.

Theres still some of the same stuff we got yesterday.
Theres still some of the same stuff we got yesterday,
Yeah.

Im too much with myself,
I wanna be someone else.
Im too much with myself,
I wanna be someone else.
Im too much with myself,
I wanna be someone else.

So we take off out Fionas door,
Walk until its light outside,
Like before when we were on the phone.

We have to laugh to look at each other.
We have to laugh cause were not alone.

As the cars fly up king st.
Its enough to startle us,
Its enough to startle us

I love my drug buddy.
My drug, my drug buddy.
I love my drug buddy.
My drug, my drug buddy.

such a pretty song.. exactly what i am feelin now.

2006-05-26T17:41:00.000+08:00

oh man look what the cat drug inits got the dress oh the colors on that i gave my one true love onoh man look what the wind blew homenever had this much stimulationtil her low down elavationbut oh don't look in those eyesbluer than bluerules on the riseand if i wear apathy's crowndon't call me highit's a long a way downoh what terrible things she showsi'm overwhelmed by rumors this highand overcome by lowsoh what use is it to pretendthat i have the strength for this anymorethis is all in the world that she lives forbut oh don't look in those eyesbluer than bluerules on the riseand if wear apathy's crowndon't call me highit's a long way downi would suppose that i'm not the only oneone never knows and i've got a feeling she's been sleepin with the whole wide world (3x)oh don't look in those eyes bluer than bluerules on the riseand if i wear apathy's crowndon't call me high it's a long way downit's a long way down.

the flood

2006-05-26T16:45:00.000+08:00

the ceiling in our floor is dripping with water.

f*ck i want it to flood... and just drain me..

and then id die.

='(

tsk tsk

2006-05-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

just another day of feeling useless (somehow i think this isnt correct) lolz.

i wana go to the beach and kill time snorkelling. i dont want to spend time living anymore.
looking at your picture doesnt help at all. not knowing what to do comes 2nd place.. to knowing that i am worth nothing..

oh f***

years ago i thought that people doing drugs and alcohol or wasting their life because of painful things.. or that they feel rejected and not liked is a cliche'... fast forward.. that is my life.

they say i am being a coward. but i cannot help it now. i shouldnt have done what i did (getting into vices) but what can i do.. nobody was there when i needed them..

sigh. there are so many things i want in this life. but too many times i have been rejected or not able to get what i want... id rather be dead.

you are a disaster...

such a beautiful disaster. ='(

2006-05-26T16:01:00.000+08:00

2006-05-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

last night i went home feeling awfully low. there were some thoughts discussed in the beer sessions earlier that made me remember past issues. =(

me, dencio, karen and teods went to sideline last night. me and karen were supposed to eat dinner at the place near sideline, but it was already closed. so we had to eat our dinner at sideline while dencio (who took his FREE dinner earlier) started drinking beer. then teods came along...

topics flowed as fast as the beer.

We talked about courting, and starting new relationships. My stand is that, when a person (e.g. a girl) likes someone..the chances of that guy winning her heart is 99%.. but when the guy courts a girl, who happens to not feel anything for him from the beginning, the chances are weak. like 1%, with all the efforts involved.

What struck me most though, is the thought that says "u have to fix yourself first before trying to help others fix their lives"

oh btw, im currently listening to Dear God by XTC, i have read the lyrics to the song before, but i just heard the mp3. *wink*

Anyway.

After a nanosecond i felt some kind of deja vu. When i realized that somehow that's what i am. I can be a very good guy friend. But i wont make a good boyfriend. The sad thing is I know it. Worse, i think i am not doing anything about it. There is so much non-issue in the things around me that i churn inside my head/heart and make it such a big deal, that life in its entire being... makes me feel really tired. It would be really unfair for the "girl", for me to come into her life and share to her a part of the hell of the kind of guy that i am. She isn't a mechanic, and it is not her duty to fix me.

so if i continue living the life that i have now (the kind that i like and dislike at the same time)... i think there is no chance that i would ever find someone who can understand me.

here's the lyrics to the xtc song i mentioned earlier.

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat
From god,
I cant believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Dont know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it,
you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it aint and so do you,

Dear god,
I cant believe in,
I dont believe in,
I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.

You
re always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebodys unholy hoax,
And if youre up there youll perceive,
That my hearts here upon my sleeve.

If theres one thing I dont believe in...
Its you,Dear god.

Journal Entry #57

2006-05-24T10:47:00.000+08:00

"...sometimes i am beginning to think that i am crazy. and it gives me a relief to ask myself that question, and take comfort in the phrase "crazy people dont admit they are crazy".

but most of the times i feel that way. it seems that i got my self a job because people want me to feel useful. and that this is a great conspirancy. there are so many unexplainable things in this office. our floor is not saved. one afternoon i got really bored i was able to come up with a conclusion that people's last names in the 7th floor has a consonant/vowel ratio of 4:1.

sometimes i think that it is winter outside. that summer is just something that i prayed for to come. i don't know. i feel like i am a chess piece. moved around. or standing still ready to slaughter those on the other side.

when i look at myself in the mirror sometimes i doubt if it is me i see. i think it is not me. my hair is long, but it doesnt feel like it. i look like im 30 but i counted 24.. but i feel like i have been here forever.

i was there when Jesus died.

And last night when i got home i spoke 17 verses of the bible. and i slept. As if nothing happened. i woke up around 4am. i realized that i didnt do anything that day.it's getting really cold outside.
tomorrow things will get better i know. my headache is getting worse too. but i dont mind that now, my liver is failing. i take comfort that i will die sooner than my brain does. now there's a trace of rainbow smile on my face. and it is not even dawn yet."

here's what i was listening to .. minutes ago..

2006-05-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

Strange and Beautiful - aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, I'll see.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,

And you'll realise that you love me. Yeah... Yeah...
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

Nos bracos de Isabel

2006-05-22T14:24:00.000+08:00

Nos braços de Isabel
Eu sou mais homem
Nos braços de Isabel
Eu sou um deus
Os braços de Isabel são meu conforto
quando deixo o cais do porto
pra viver os sonhos meus

Ontem Isabel me libertou
Da escravidão e da dor
Hoje Isabel é minha libertação
No amor

Salve a Princesa Isabel
Que quebrou minhas algemas
Salve a Isabel
Que resolve os meus problemas

here's the English translation.. it's not grammatically correct i guess. but i think it makes sense. =)

In the arms of Isabel I am more man
in the arms of Isabel I am a god
The arms of Isabel are my comfort
when I leave the quay of the port for the live the my dreams

Yesterday Isabel liberated me
Of The slavery and of the pain
Today Isabel is my liberation
In The love

Cheers the Princess Isabel
That broke my handcuffs
Cheers to Isabel
That resolves my problems

Bigfoot sportsfest.... and the camera loves me. =)

2006-05-22T13:18:00.000+08:00

a perfect album

2006-05-19T16:37:00.000+08:00

now i am listening to A Perfect Circle's newest album eMOTIVe.

=)

this time i think they are experimenting. i've read the reviews and they said that they are trying out some of the "rebellious" songs of the past decades.

one that caught my "ears" is When The Levee Breaks.. when i searched in google i found out that a lot of other artists covered this song already.. but u gotta listen to APC's version. it rocks u out of the lounge chair... leaving whatever residue to the drugs ur on... on the table. lolz

do i make a good critic/writer for music mags? hahahah

here's the song

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break, [X2]
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.
Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan, [X2]
Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home,
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well.

Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?If you're goin' down SouthThey got no work to do,If you don't know about Chicago.

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

All last night sat on the levee and moaned, [X2]
Thinkin' about my baby and my happy home.
Going, going to Chicago... Going to Chicago...
Sorry but I can't take you...
Going down... going down now... going down....

just a thought

2006-05-19T14:26:00.000+08:00

"your eye glasses make me walk wobbly.. and your accent..., well it cripples me"

kahayag cafe

2006-05-19T10:46:00.000+08:00

last night me, karen and dencio went to Kahayag Cafe. This place used to be our favorite hang out for beer, before Ebay(a bar.. not the site..lol) and Chillville... and Kulit's pad. lolz.

But what sets kahayag apart from the other places we usually stay is the Music. The genre changes everyday of the week, from Zarah Smith on Mondays playing accoustic jazz, to Jerry Bro's folk and then there is Latin night. (maybe) lolz. then Fridays and Saturdays where different bands play..Our band had a couple of gigs in kahayag. or was it once? lol =)

Anyway, last night. around 6pm the classmates had an intense discussion (over skype) about LOVE. We sort of defined it, or tried to, to the very best of our knowledge,.. and experience.. I had a lot of questions and so did the others (redhorse classmates).

=)

*i remember telling em that according to Buddha, pain is inevitable no matter if you are doing only the good things. Bad karma caused by other entities may come to you. that is the truth. whow! =)

anyway.. so Marlon, said he is going to church at around 7, and i said that after 8pm we'd be going to Kahayag, he can catchup if he wants to... (but he didnt, maybe he is too tired already.. =) )

and so Densio told Marlon to pray for him. And i said me too. I told him to ask God to give me courage and guidance in life. =) Afterwhich I promised, that tonight (meaning last night).. there will be no alcohol for us 3. I will treat em chilli chips and Ice tea. but no beer.. heheh Marlon said it is impossible., Densio said we better not stay at kahayag if we were to abstain. lolz. but i said we can do it....

So we were there.. me karen and dencio.. We ate adobo rice and teriyaki rice and we had water and iced tea only....

Jerry Bro was singing.. and we were looking at him.. and at some point sang along =)

Then came Tobias and Stefan. our bosses. lolz. but they were on a different table near the door.

Jerry asked the waiter for the time, and said that his first set has just ended and he will have a break and come later. so he asked the people if anyone wants to take the stage... (substitute) lolz. Karen pushed me!!!! waaah. hehh naah. well i told Jerry just a couple of songs. and so Me and Karen went up on stage for impromptu performance lolz (i miss our band.. and yeah we really need to do some practice)...

I told karen that we play Insensitive by Jann Arden first. heheheh That song is for meeeeeeee.. hahahahhah =) well, we used to play that song when i bring my guitar when we go drinkin at ebay(a bar) lolz.( i remember one time i was so drunk and we were jammin at ebay and i told the waiter to turn off the music. hahahaha so i can hear our singing. Ahem.. regular customers. =)

Anyway.. so we played insensitive... and then.. Take A Picture by Filter. hahahah Although i really hadnt practice playing that song i told karen we do it anyway, since we both liked it.. and i know that people wont notice if i struck a wrong chord.. whahhaha who goes wrong with A and D, with just a couple of 7s and suspendeds.. ahem. anyway.. but i cut it. for some reason. lolz. i thought Karen didnt want to continue singing.. we realized later that we missed the best part...

the screaming "hey dad, what do you think about your son now?"

anyway.. the next song.. we played All I Want Is You.. lolz. Karen was in Cloud 9hundred and 99.. hahahah she likes U2 soooo much.. i just cant figure out why. hahahah karen? can u comment on this one? =P

Anyway.. so Toby said.. "alryt guys.. nice singing.. u can step out of the stage now" hahahha lolz. man .. so we went back to our table. .. a little later Stefan and Toby waived goodbye and went home. We paid our bill and moved just outside kahayag.. there we sat... and contemplated on whether to drink beer or not to drink. Dencio was fixed. He wasnt gonna drink.

I told Karen, that (as a Senator of the org), i am passing a bill, lolz for us to have a few beers that night. Then, Karen being president.. has to sign it. hahahahh

so there. i ordered two bottles of red horse and one order of chilli chips. =)

and the night goes on....

hmmm. i went inside kahayag again to check who's singing.. then i saw a girl jam with JErry Bro, and i went to the washroom with the girl.. naah. heheh i went to the wash room. after that i went near the stage sat there for a few moments. and Jerry said if i want to sing along.. i said yeah maybe later. =) ive been wanting to sing a Beatles song with him.. maybe Oh Darling. =) lolz

then i went outside and told karen and dencio that we should go back inside cos there are not too many people now., and we can sing again.. they said theyd just follow me in a bit. i went inside and drank beer by my lonesome. lolz. and sang along "at the sidelines" lang.. not at the stage.

I noticed this girl from the corner. I remember she was the tagalog girl i referred to in my other blog., where we went to larsian.. and then Miguel came along to play his guitar for us.. hmmmm. same girl, from another table., this time shesss a bit too far away lolz.

Anyway, then karen and dencio followed and we sang along with jerry bro.

I requested for House of the Rising Sun.. and he told me to sing it for him.. cos wla na siya voice.. I said yeah. but id just be sitting where i am, and not go on stage.. and that he would dictate to me the lyrics.. hahahaha

i had fun singing the song.. the pitch is way above my league.. hahahah but then again. who cares?.. that was a few bottles of beer later ya know. =)

then Jerry had to go.. and he asked for someone to play the guitars again.. i said nah. not anymore.. so then.., this guy., former guitarist of a local rock band during the early 90s sat on stage and performed. man he rocks!..=) he played U2 songs,,. much to karen and dencios delight. lol. but i did sang along as well.. =) he played roxanne.. and he strums the guitars very loud.. it was a nylon stringed accoustic yah know., and it was like.. at any time it was gonna explode. hahahha

then the waiter put the boombox ( a small wooden box for percussions ) near us.. so i grabbed it and for a while played percussion for Amador (the guy mentioned above)...

after which i handed it to karen.. she's the drummer.. hahahah

then Amador had to leave after a few songs.. =)

And Karen still continued on tapping the "accoustic drums"..lol.. so i rapped.

ahahhaha yeah i did. well i sang Loser by beck. haha in the chorus.. Amador was already about to leave, he got back to us and asked us who sang that song.. he said
"was it Bush who sang this.." Karen and me replied in chorus "no.. its beck"

he said oh yeah.. and he left.. =)

and Karen did Drop it Like it's Hot.. now i rapped. hahaha then we went outside.
And saw Amador sitting by himself, we passed by him and i said.. hey i didnt know Jimi Hendrix can do unplugged. ehhe i told him he shouldve brought his electric.

Oh did i tell u?.. he frequents kahayag and brings his electric guitar, hmmm i forgot the brand though.. but he plays really cool licks.. he's a blues man.. doing some clapton and mostly hendrix. yeah he played Hey Joe when he first got onstage that night..

And i told him.. next time u play Purple Haze (hendrix)... he said yeah.. this saturday..

Then we bid him goodbye and i said goodbye to densio and karen.. and drove home..

next thing i new. i came in at 10:24 today.

hahahahha but its all good.

*btw, seems like the 3 of us already got a rep of always going out everynight... hmmm people are starting to notice. or they're just too nosy.hahahah

that was one of the topics last night.. and we figured there is nothing wrong with our night life.. hahahha =)

ciao! whew....

what for?

2006-05-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

im currently chatting with my redhorse classmates and a thought just came into me..
it made me really angry at this world.

well. i thought, what's the purpose of living if in the end we are gonna die anyway? i think i have posted this before but it still puzzles me.

like 15 years from my death no one will recognize me....remember me. sure there would be people / family who will attend my funeral, and pray for me.. but a year after that.. or 5 years.. 15 years.. 50 years.. i think i wont matter anymore

and if like ur some bigshot and people remember you 100 years after you lived here., still that doesnt work for me. You are remembered. but nonetheless dead.

And if u are dead u are nothing. u have nothing. no feelings and u dont even exist anymore. so what good are all these things if in the end there is nothing?

So guys.. from now on.. dont eat .. breakfast lunch dinner... that is useless
ok?

ciao!

a sad Korean music video

2006-05-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday, while browsing thru youtube, i got into this korean(i think) music video. I have seen this video before.. like in 2004 when i was still working in this ofc.. hahaha.. before i transferred and got back into the same ofc.. lolz.

anyway. this video is very sad.... vvvvverrry sad. it talks about a sacrifice. something that most people dont understand. ok for those who cannot watch it, i will try to narrate as true to the video as possible.

-----------------

there is this guy. a professional photographer. while he was outside shooting some pictures, this pretty girl happen to pass in between him and his subject, and at the exact time he clicked the cam, the girl turned and looked at him. and it was a picture perfect moment. then the girl said sorry and then went her way..

the guy, then went to a parlor and had his hair cut. the girl happens to work in that parlor, and when the guy arched down and put his head in the sink so it can be shampooed.. the girl told the other attendant that she will take her place and put the shampoo on the guy, without the guy knowing it was her..

hmmm.. mushy huh?

anyway. the girl accidentaly put on some shampoo lather on the guys eyes.. and the guy(photographer.. just to refresh ur memry) got angry.. and walked out.. and didnt notice that it was the girl... and he left his bonnet. hahaha

so the girl, returned the bonnet to his studio (hmm isnt this sexy? anyway).. when she got there, the guy was shooting pictures of a streetbike, apparently he is a photographer for a biker's mag.

then they got to know each other.. and he took pictures of her (not naked though.. lolz) and they dated.. blah blah..

but one time.. the girl tried to reach something from the pile of pictures, and then accidentaly tapped the bottle .. the bottle was filled with acid for developing pictures, and the acid splashed on her face... =(

and she was brought to the hospital. and the guy was so mad at himself... and the girl became blind..

the guy was so mad at himself he walked out of the room and out of the girls life..
he rode his bike so fast that we guessed that he would crash but he didnt.. lolz

then.. fast forward. the girl had her eye operated and now she can see.. but when she got back to the apartment the guy wasnt there anymore.. after that she saw their picture (a sort of a collage) was torn apart..

hmm.. she didnt know what happend... and fast forward...

while walking in the park alone.. she saw a blind guy with a dog...

that blind guy.. was the photographer..

=)

he gave up his eyes (technically his life.. so that the girl's life would be normal again)...

nice.. =)

after that being said... here's the link. tell me if i did justice in my narration. lolz.. u gotta watch the mirror part near the end. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtyqasWoJjM&search=woman

2006-05-18T11:28:00.000+08:00

I was listening to Lenin's accoustic mp3s. and heard a very low quality version of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers song' Under the Bridge.
I like this song.. somehow, i can relate to it., i realized later after watching a VH1 docu, that this song is about drug addiction. When Anthony keidis and the other RHCP member Hilel Slovak were so into drugs that they are VIPs to this drug ring in a place "under the bridge" in downtown Los Angeles.

I know it is a cliche' but, sometimes, people use drugs to heal the pain.. although its a sickening non-solution after all.. but u will understand when u are in it.

notice the last lines of the chorus?

Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

=)

sometimes.,. it makes u forget about things. the bad ones... and yeah the good ones as well.. and sooner u will realize that u just gave ur life away.. =)

an error.. you cannot take away the bad things in life. it comes with the package.

hmmm.. here's the song...

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

i adore

2006-05-17T11:36:00.000+08:00

i adore the saints
i adore the sinners as well

i envy the lives
i envy the stories they tell

i am senseless in a number of ways
i like numbers they make sense

i understand some things
some i do not

i love the love that loves
i love to live the life that lives
and all these goes back to you

[untitled]

2006-05-17T11:35:00.000+08:00

last night i realized
that you are special
i realized that a thousand tropical sunsets
is nothing compared to your smile

this morning i woke up
and i was thinking
thinking that maybe you are solomon's jewels
shades of gold and blinding diamonds

but i will have to sit this one out
because i am weary
i will let life take its course
at least then i am not to blame

tonight when i sleep
and the angels will sing
they will be singing your name
in my heart and in my head..

in my soul, like a thousand years before

thru the one way glass

2006-05-15T16:02:00.000+08:00

you will never know what it's like
for me to stand here on my side
and before i came to the earth
i was in heaven

they made me look thru the one way glass
they said point the person you love the most

i never thought it could cause me pain
but seemed nice to be human again
if only i can be with you now
and you weren't in heaven

they made me look thru the one way glass
they said point the person you love the most

i shouted and screamed at you
but you cannot hear me from here
i saw you were with him
and i just shut my mouth

you shed your tears
and i tried to read the words that you said
it starts to get so cold and blurry
but i got the perfect view from here

im looking at you thru the one way glass
and you're the one i love the most

Ants and Rants

2006-05-15T13:25:00.000+08:00

i thought about this while in bed last Saturday... no alcohol.

Ant1: im fucking tired of this
Ant2: of what man?
Ant1: of carrying all this food
Ant3: what are you guys talking about?
Ant1 and Ant2: nothin

(ant4 is from the opposite direction, and collided with the ants)
Ant4: you freakin lazy butts i have been going back and forth 3x already.
Ant1: well if you're so fucking hardworking why dont you just carry the queen?
*ants 1 2 and 3 laughs....

Ant 4 leaves.

and the curtain closes.

lol

[untitled]

2006-05-15T13:23:00.000+08:00

This month of May turned out morbid. Yesterday, was the burial of my friend. He left a wife and kids. And if I am not mistaken he is a year younger than me. We were in the same swimming team in our place before. We grew up along with the other kids, but we werent really that close, but i never thought that he would do something like that. He was really high on drugs, and hanged himself from the ceiling... i think they said he was using a belt.

They were able to bring him to the hospital at around 7am in the morning. He died in the evening. The doctors said there is nothing more they can do to regulate him, due to the drugs that he took (he was shooting his veins out)

And yesterday evening, i recieved a message that one of our officemate lost his 5year old kid... due to respiratory problems. Hmmm.. suicide and respiratory problems? is this a sign? hmmm..

Anyway. both lives ended so soon. so soon, maybe, but in another light, maybe not. We all dont have a clue when we are going to leave this place or if we ever will.

Im currently listening to Jeff Buckley's Demon John. JB's music is very haunting. And so not mainstream... talking about he way he does his riffs. Im sitting in my office chair, while writing this piece using Notepad, while a big banner on my browser is saying "Take Action Today!"

lol

I went to Tambuli yesterday, with some old friends from college. We havent got together for a long time. =) well we do see each other sometimes on some occasion but not on outings or trips. so we decided to hit the beach. it was ok. but i didnt like the beach. it was filled with pumpboats and there was no marine life. check Karen's blog on samboan for comparison. lol. And it was a "hi-jack". We gave our tickets and then the waiter said that the P300 is consumable but the eat all you can buffet cost P400.arrrgh. so we just added P100 each.

After the beach we went to a friend's house and watched Without A Paddle, although i have already seen the movie, i didnt mind watching it again. hehehhe it was hillarious. Especially the part where they were being chased by those 2 pot growers. hahahah and the whole pot farm was burning and they all got high.. and the two dogs, Lynyrd and Skynyrd got so high they laid on their backs, held hands and looked at the stars.. hahahahahh =P and they caught a Dog constellation.. lol

Anyway. what hit me most was when Seth Green said..'we're already 30 and this could be the last crazy thing we can do' hmmmmm.. it got me thinking. have i dont enough crazy things in my 24 yrs that i when i get to be 60, id tell my grandchildren that during my younger days i did some "crazy" stuff myself.

Then again.. i dont wanna reach 60. =P

Well that's the outlook of the moment. But that may change. Like, i have always thought that id die at 27, but what if, i would find someone/something that will change my outlook on life.. im not discounting the fact that it could happen... and that i may want to live forever... ahhahahahahah and rule the world.

Hmmm... The smiths is on now. ".. when u say its gonna happen now, when exactly do u mean?"

I like this song. Because somehow it tells me how weak one can get. like the line above. totally trusting on the other person/party on definition of how things must go. And the line ".. i am human and i need to be loved" i can totally relate to. Oh yeah. Not to mention that the guitar riffs and effects totally added layers and layers of emotional dimensions. =)

this blog is like a whole bunch of words and stories put inside a washing machine...... it went around in circles... but didnt come out really clean =P

don't drink and ..... pose like a model. =)

2006-05-11T15:05:00.000+08:00

summer rain

2006-05-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

i woke up at 6am today. and went back to sleep lol., and then woke up at 8:30.
i feel so sleepy and i dont know why. hahaha, well i know.. =P the weather isnt very good, its raining in summer. but that's ok.
im currently listening to Six Underground by the Sneaker Pimps. Man i love their lead singer.. (former, i guess, they are now fronted by a guy.. or i think they're dissolved already) I like her teeth, its not perfect. hehe very sexy.
but whatever.
Just another day of not knowing what to do. Although i have a lot of things to do. I just dont know where to start. Too many things on my mind right now. It sucks. I feel like i should quit working. I dont know, but it seems like i dont really belong to this field. argh. well generally i dont know if i belong to this planet. hahaha Maybe im just watching too much tv, where real life is nothing like tv. or the movies.. sometimes.. it can be more complicated than that.
Yesterday i was surfing the net. I tried googling the '100 top guitarists" of all time. And based on Rolling Stones mag, Jimi Hendrix is #1. i hope id meet him someday. =) And i came across the 100 greatest riffs of all time, sadly there was not enough Beatles in it. Jimi has 5 i think.. or more, and the Allman Brothers (which after all this time i thought was a counry music band).. I think they all died of a plane crash, or vehicular accident.. =0
Now it's SOnic youth singing "...i love you sugarcane.. i love you sugarcane"..
oops. that was the ending. Filter is on now. "Take A Picture"
=)
Im trying to find a rhythm to start doing the things i ought to do. But until then, i will be writing this stupid blog.
My life is getting more complicated by the minute. Due to my doing nothing, more and more things to do are piled up infront of me, that i can feel like jumping off the window,.. and hoping i would land in a cold spring. hehehhe =) man, i miss that moment... the moment i jumped off a waterfall., it was fun but scary. lol. more scary now that someone died doing what me and my friends did there.. hmmmmm... so its "dangerous" i thought to myself.
life is dangerous. living is dangerous. anytime we may die. lol.. isnt it the truth?
I was supposed to go home early last night. I was so bent on coming home and grab my accoustic and actually push myself to make new songs. The pressure of making songs is making me more and more lazy to make one. I think its because i am unsure if what i write is good enough. When in fact i cannot measure. There is not one thing that i did in my life that i can say is good... if we are all computers someone mustve skipped installing "self-appreciation patch" on me. hahahha but that's ok.
i got to cut this crap now. im getting sleepy.. dizzy.. lol.. and i know i have something to do. argh.

lost and found

2006-05-10T14:42:00.000+08:00

~*~ lost and found ~*~

it's way past midnight
no one else is home
and i just found out i am on my own

i grew tired of breathing
tomorrow's just saving face
so i will play this one more time

and i would fly out the window
fly to where i belong
and i wouldnt lie anymore
for lying wont make me strong

i have lost you
and i had never found
the perfect glue to patch this wounds

and i would fly out the window
fly to where i belong
and i wouldnt lie anymore
for lying wont make me strong

there is a perfect time for your smile
and its the one i am waiting for
there wasnt enough time for you and me
and thats the one im dying for

light mood....

2006-05-09T11:30:00.000+08:00

im having a very light and pleasant mood as of this moment.. i dont know why.
maybe because my officemate already returned my book "the teachings of the compassionate buddha"...

hehehe or it may be due to this Jobim (antonio carlos jobim) that i found in the network..

God i love spanish music., spanish beats.., and the accent.. although some songs are in english.. thats ok.. =) im in loooove with Spain. heheheh

como esta mi amor?.. hahaha i think that's the only spanish phrase i know. =) or, i think its the most useful..lolz

lunch lunch lunch

2006-05-09T11:16:00.000+08:00

its another monday night
and im sitting by my window
listening to REM and staring outside
and i love it like this

its another boring night
thinking if you will ever know
how it feels on my side
and i love you like this

so if it rains tonight that's ok
i will just have to do with smoking alone
and if the stars fall down tonight
i will be ok
i will be ok
cos you're the angel looking down over me
oh how i wish you will look down on me

its another boring night
tomorrow im gonna tell you
how it feels on my side
and that i love you like this

a lesson i learned

2006-05-09T10:47:00.000+08:00

because of my pride. and of my childish behavior, I have hurt someone. I shouldnt have written some of the things i did below. Not because they are inaccurate, or not what i currently feel, but i shouldve just kept it to myself. No more tears for people i care about, at least not of my doing =)

we all have a good day...

im in a really good mood... while listening to Rolling Stone's Sympathy for the Devil.

spare me your french..

2006-05-08T14:05:00.000+08:00

Maybe i was absent, or was sleeping under my chair (hahaha), when we were taught about "society" and how to deal with people. This world, in the perspective of people, is a continuous sine wave. Sometimes in one day, there are 5-15 people affecting me or present physically or mentally. Sometimes, on such lonely moments, there are none.

It is quite amazing. But what amazes me more, well "puzzles" is the appropriate word i guess, is the fact that there are no rules on how we go about our daily lives and interact with other people. Sure there are moral laws, and the laws of man (rights as well) that we have to respect. But we have every inclination to bend them sometimes.. right? e.g. hurt someone.
Hurting someone else. In the natural course of your life, you know you have hurt someone else or cause them trouble, or for some reason annoy them. Well if in any case you havent, I will be glad to teach you how to.

I am writing this now because of two reasons.

Reason 1: I know someone who frequently hurts someone else, not physically (well i was told once, that she did) but mostly verbally. Either there is something so wrong with this person, or there is something so wrong with the other people in her "world". She sees herself as the one that is being wronged-at all the time. Not thinking that it is her own bs that caused her all that. Case in point. She deviated from an agreement on a specific place and time where and when to meet. And she ended blaming someone else for it. I mean. Cmon, just for one second, try introspecting (Socrates would be so damn proud of you... if you did) before you pass the buck. I dont know what kind of childhood or upbringing you went through, but that is not my concern anymore and I have no reason to judge that. We all have to deal with our own dungeons and dragons(what a term.lol). My concern is that i pity you. And all the people that are in your so-called life. Why? Well, you might one day look back and see how screwed up your life is, and quickly point to the people as the ones responsible for it. hahaha.. i hope you wont include me dude.

I have always thought to myself. Why? I mean, why do you always refer to others when things go wrong. Why wont you take a look at yourself and say, oh yeah, im to blame for this. I think that would be rather brave of you.. mature, i must say, if you can do that. My friend, (lol), i think it is time to face the truth. Your life wouldnt be so messed up if it werent for your own un-doing.

Then again. I dont know you too well. I just wrote this one with the knowledge i have of you and my personal experience. I thank you for being an avid fan of my blog. lol. im so honored.
Reason 2: somehow this relates to the above statement, but this one is of myself. (see, i look at my own faults too dude, so better dig up some dirt too). In the course of my life, i have hurt a lot of people too. Intentionally (as in the case of writing this one. lol x 1M) and unintentionally... or pseudo.

In my search for my own happiness, i came to step on other people's feelings. I shouldn't have, but i did. What comes as a great pain for me, is having to choose for their joys vs mine. With the kind of man that i am, i always choose mine first. But, that is not to say, that the people in my life, family, friends, and other people are not important. In fact they are, they mould me into what I am, and they affect me in random directions and in varying amounts. But i am not like "reason#1" above, whose definition of a bestfriend is someone to blame when she falls on her own pile. lol. Though i admit, that somehow, my actions in a way hurt the people dear to me, but i dont do them as i frequently as "reason#1" and mostly not as intentional.
You know, I feel really uneasy when I feel that I did wrong to someone. Sometimes, im a bit too tackless with my words, when i joke with someone. Totally unaware, or un-xxxx (i dont know the word), that it might offend him/her. But for the purposes of this blog, this is intentional. ahahhah. You know why? Because you freakin pushed me to the limits. =)
Oh yeah, i have thoughts about making a quote/phrase for you while i was preparing to go to the ofc. I hope you are pleased with my simple gift for you.... what can i say, im just a poor boy, and words are the only thing that i can offer you...

"When God decided to experiment, and get away with poetic license in creating mankind... He made you. So abstract, in a way, very special, very un-conventional... But I must say, He made a grammatical error nonetheless... " - anon

hmmm.. cheer up dude. =P

*oh yeah. because of you, i accidentaly moved an mpg file somewhere in my pc and cannot continue burning a dvd. tsk tsk tsk.. but on the bright side, see how much u affect me? =)

busy afternoon

2006-05-05T14:46:00.000+08:00

hmm what a busy afternoon indeed. lol im busy reading people's comments on the lyrics/songs posted on www.songmeanings.net. yeah, well, i tried to read some of the lyrics that moved me. darn. and its so amazing to read people's opinion. im so full of my fucked up brain yeah know. i want someone who can talk from 6pm to 6am. lol and id just be listening. heheheh

so what's up with me right now. hmmm. im so freakin sleepy but i got to write a few stuff. hold on.

i posted the song besame mucho because of last night.

4 of us went to a place called Larsians to eat our dinner. Its a place where barbecue is the best-seller. I dont know how to describe that well., then there are these kids who come to you selling Sampaguita(native flower).
They're practically begging you know. But that's ok. There is this guy who just sings acapella (and from the way he is acting and his lyrics you would know that he is someone other than normal) There's this guy who walks around from table to table with his sticker-filled accoustic guitar...

This guy, who in the later part of this Story we would find out to be "Miguel". Went to this couple, (i hope they are not, cos the girl is a cutie with glasses) lol, and sang some songs to the girl's request.

He sang "itanong mo sa akin.. kung sinong aking mahal.. at agad kung sasabihin.. ikaw ang aking mahal"
- ask me who is the one i love, and i will quickly say to you, that it is you that i love. (A+ for effort in translation)

Anyway, while he sang that, our group sang along. lol the place wasnt so crowded so no worries. =) i like the song anyway. So the girl requested for some Beatles songs. Then Miguel played "Yesterday", but i cannot seem to get his version, i dont know, i mean, it wasnt of the original rhythm as played by Paul in acoustic. Anyway, so after playing that song, he came to our table and then Karen requested for Spiral Staircase. Im not so familiar with the lyrics though., but somehow i have heard that before. =) Then Marlon requested for a tagalog song.. and then we sang along i forgot the title.. Then i requested for a BeeGees song. And he sang "To Love Somebody".. i dont really know if its the correct title but it's the one that goes "baby you dont know what its like, to love somebody, the way i love you".. its a very old song. yeah. but i liked it.

And we sang along. hehe it was really fun, and i told him that his song almost made me cry. and he told me not to, and said i am just like this guy he chanced upon playing going about his business sometime ago. While the guy was eating at the same area(he pointed to the exact place) as we did last night, he played the same song and the guy cried. somethin like that. and they became good friends, and that this guy brought him to Panglao Bohol ( a very nice white sandy beach in the philippines, where my pic was taken, that's me in Panglao with a bottle of Fundador).

Anyway. Yeah then this guy brought him there to serenade him and his girl. For free. Plus he was paid. Wow. =)

Noticing that he was very eager to share to us a piece of his life, we offered him to grab a chair and sit down. I even asked Karen if we can buy some beer for Miguel. (although we paid him some change). SO there . He sat with us, and talked about his life. Karen said he ought to be teaching guitar, to get regular pay, or make something more than what he is paid playing in the place. He disapproved with a smile. He said he is tired of all that. He told us that he was from Manila, and that he was taught guitar by this guy who knows notes by ear.
He said that if you would play the wrong note this guy(his mentor) would just stare at you. Lol

And then he told us that he and his mentor went to ITALY. to play there, and they were sponsored by Procter and Gamble. I said wow. Well i told him that his life is better than mine. lol. He showed me some riffs from an old filipino band Apo Hikings Society. This band was totally big in the 70s i think and the early 80s. their songs are a classic. and so he showed some riffs.

We were just about ready to leave and I requested for a last song,. and i asked him if he could play Besame Mucho.... and he did... eagerly at that.

Man, i remember samboan. Where i used to hang out at the dike., drink rhum with an uncle while someone plays some old songs in acoustic. Fucking sweet. yeah i remember those times. Those are just one of the most romantic nights ever. Well, i wish i had someone then. lol. it wouldve been a perfect date. anyway.

back to besame mucho. so i sang along,. but didnt know the lyrics to most of the songs (because its in spanish,and im gonna learn that language anytime soon i swear).

there and we left.. and i gave miguel some more coins, and shook his hand. he asked me for my name... and i said Erik. it was like wow., i shouldnt have given him coins. I should just have shook his hand. I think it was better for a man to know he had a friend, than to be given coins...

hmmmm.. case in point. rewind a few years back.(well i am not going to elaborate) but when i was still in college i found a cellphone left alone in public transportation. blah blah blah.. i contacted teh owner and told her id return it to her school (i was like 3rd year college already and this girl was in 2nd year highschool)

yeah so the next day i went to her school although it was far far far away from home.

there i met them, the girl and her aunt.. who was a bitch. why? she gave me P200 for the phone. I was like.
Fuck that man. the phone costs P18,000. And I wasnt up for the money. A simple thank you from them would do me a lot better than 200 pesos that i can just wipe their asses with. lol.

Anyway...

so there..

we somehow met a new soul.. Miguel. =) an old man who is already contented with his life. a real vagabond...

*holy shit. Just now, i remembered that while driving to the ofc that day, i was singing Dylan's Tambourine MAn!!!!! waaah...

here are some lines that totally haunt me.. as it really did happen .=)

"hey mr tambourine man play song for me
im not sleepy and there aint no place im going to"

shoot!.. i just realized.. That somehow.. i found the Tambourine Man!!!!!

i love these lines as well..

"..all my senses have been stripped
my arms cant feel to grip
wait only for my bootheels to be wandering
im ready to go anywhere im ready for today
until your own parade
cast your dancing spells my way
i promise to go under it "

hehehhe ciao.

listening to snow patrol

2006-05-05T13:25:00.000+08:00

I was just listening to Snow Patrol, well, i am currently listening to the whole Wicker Park soundtrack.

Argh. Why cant i write a song, something like what snow patrol did or most indie bands.. ='(

but i wont stop there.. i know someday i can write a good one. hehehe

How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

besame mucho

2006-05-05T09:53:00.000+08:00

Besame, besame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche la última vez,
Besame, besame mucho,
Que tengo miedo a perderte, perderte despues [twice]
Quiero sentirte muy cerca mirarme en tus ojos verte junto a mí
Piensa que tal vez mañana yo ya estare lejos, muy lejos de ti
Besame...Quiero...Besame...

Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
As if tonight were the last time
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
For I'm scared to lose you, to lose you afterwards
I want to feel you very close, see myself in your eyes, see you near me
Think that maybe tomorrow I'll already be far, very far away from you

my love for numbers

2006-05-04T17:46:00.000+08:00

i came across someone else's blog that April 5th 2006 was numerically significant .. yeah ='(

at 01:02:03 AM on 04/05/06

010203040506... tsk tsk tsk..

and i missed it..

darn.

i set my mind only on what'll happen on June 06 2006.. hehehe which is a 06/06/06

The Omen will be back in Cinemas!!!!

=)

2006-05-04T11:41:00.000+08:00

i always thought that the "authentic" kind of love isnt in most things people consider as norms...
it is those little moments.. that two souls spend together. true enough, a friend of mine shared to me her story... and i have to write something out of it. i know what i will write cannot compare to the burst of emotions she mustve felt that time.. but i sure hope it would somehow represent it..

Of the hundreds of people crossing the sidewalk
doing about there business
id find you here with me
away from the mess that was my life
and probably yours too

Of all the million stars in the skies
how can they all be looking at us now?
but shine no brighter than our hearts
i made a wish, well i made wishes before
but this time i never thought this could be
any realer than they are to me

I didnt notice if time stopped or it raced to end the night
but im certain that we have this moment
you and me, just you and me
and not one thousand cold breezes
can ruin this one

We have become a polaroid picture in time
where we dont have to speak of this
or what it is, but the world will know
and the heavens beyond
that i love you.. and you love me.

puzzles.

2006-05-04T10:37:00.000+08:00

currently listening to Coldplay's The Scientist.

hmmm. This isn't the first coldplay song that i tried to play, i started with Yellow.
i think i have mentioned this song more than once in my blogs, but maybe not.
i dont know why.. but listening to it at this moment really brought me memories.

especially that of samboan. where i "sort-of-pushed" the movie Wicker Park. lol

yeah well, since i have seen that movie, listening to the scientist feels just different. =)
u wanna know why? hahahha. oh yeah, i remember. My friend pawned his dvdcam to my sis last night and when i went home around midnight i tried it. Having little to no knowledge about such, i grabbed it turned it on and looked at it..

hahaha and again that wicker park movie seemed to run through my veins again.. that moment when Matthew saw Lisa's "silent" video of her face..

hmmm.. i can totally relate. hehehhe

just like the movie's tagline "Passion Never Dies"...

although i have lost someone just recently. i think i will never lose my passion to love love. Love is still the sweetest thing for me. =)

blah blah blah

2006-05-04T10:24:00.000+08:00

from Bic Runga and Dan Wilson's Good Morning Baby

"i'm praying for a beautiful weather
take a car and drive forever, but i'm
only ever sitting at the traffic light"

i hate this feeling of going nowhere, where i got so much plans inside my head.

the fork is dead

2006-05-04T10:07:00.000+08:00

the fork

it was like most saturday nights
starry, calm, and the people not so sober
we were in a place called Station17
a cozy resto bar with a rooftop and literally flaming sisig.

and the people started the conversations
and the beer

after quite sometime while trying to prove a point
i clumsily tapped Jillian's fork
and it fell down in multiple 360 degree motion

and when we looked down,
there it was
lying on the ground near the entrance
it fell on its back
lifeless

i am sure the other forks wouldve wanted to look down
but they were either too scared
or they too are lifeless

lounge and lungs.

2006-05-03T13:20:00.000+08:00

i am currently listening to Paris Lounge 2 - by Day 12pm. Sugar is the song on. But its gonna end soon. Im in my cubicle now. Dont know what to do.

im feeling sh***y, i didnt go in this morning, i had my lungs checked. the same side where i had an operation when i was still in high school. I dont know what will happen next. but the results will be read tomorrow. hmm.. i hope i dont get a "liquor ban"

f**k this. i think im not writing anymore. maybe not in the next few weeks. I dont know, im just tired with all this useless sh*t. Someone in manila is practically happy with what's going on with me right?.. well f**k you! .. hahaha =) hmm.. it actually feels good to talk that way huh?

you said you can be a pain in the ass if you wanted to. go ahead girl do ur stuff. u dont matter to me. hahaha even if you'd beg my forgiveness in front of the Pope id spit at you. lol. nah... maybe i wont.. maybe id just space out. and pretend you're not there.

hahahah. im sorry. its just that i hate seeing your name. lol. everytime ur name is mentioned, it's a different feel for me. i see you as someone else.

hmm. i feel a bit miserable, but nonetheless a little more hopeful than yesterday....

there is something i am counting on that might just change my career. lol. =)

Ettiene de Crecy is on now. chill

How many times do you forgive someone? Seventy times seven? literally, it means 490... but i guess it says.. MORE. 7 is a number of power. multiply it by itself it means A LOT MORE.

but i dont have 7s mind you. lol. i only have a bit of patience. i love/hate this little talent that has been given to me... the talent not to be able to forgive.

oh cmon.. lets all listen to lounge music. and forget about some piece of sh*t that tried to ruin the relationship i had with my ex-girlfriend.

=0

this is my blog. so i can say what i want. you can comment though. lol.

this isnt for lack of weed man.. i just simply hate your name.

oh yeah. Im listening to Westernize by Avia.
=)

party tonight

2006-05-02T17:55:00.000+08:00

everyone is invited @ my house tonight for the 1 year celebration of A Day In The Life of..

one year since i posted my secret poetry. lol.

but just like the Club8 song.. --"ur poems got u nowhere"

ciao!
There will be free flowing Margaritas, Vodka, and Wine. Music will start with Cafe Del Mar around 6pm then some house music and lounge at 3am. =)
-u jst got punk'd-

an account of Brandy + Rhum + Beer

2006-05-02T08:43:00.000+08:00

sunday. around 2pm. i was sitting at the porch, having had an early lunch now i have nothing to do. so i grabbed my guitar and played a few songs. I noticed that there are quite a number of people (families) swimming at the pool just outside our house.

so i looked around. and noticed that my friend moshe was there, and that he was drinking with melvin. Melvin used to work as a cook in the hotel, and he now drives for the ex-husband of blah blah blah. anyway, so i went outside and "drank" with them.

Melvin was with his family and his wife's mom and dad and others. lol. typical filipino outing.

The three of us were drinking Emperador, mixed with sprite. Then a few minutes later my sis and her boyfriend went out of the house, so it was just me left to look over the house. And not so few minutes later, i felt "cool" already. not noticing that we finished 3 (lapad) bottles of Emperador brandy. And Melvin's wife is already asking us not to let him drink because he's driving. While Moshe complained that he no longer have enough strength to do his laundry. but we laughed it off.

feeling a little dizzy. ahem. i took a dip at the pool. not noticing that my shorts was so heavy that i had a hard time swimming. i swam 4 laps with those super heavy shorts yikes. and yeah, i didnt have twice as much "stamina" as when i was a few years younger when i was able to swim 100 laps off the same pool. 4 got me breathing my nostrils out.

Anyway, so i went back to the "tagay".

4Pm, Melvin and his family had to leave. So they i took some plate from the haus to transfer the food they left us behind. Pulotan. lol. And Melvin left us with a Tanduay 5years long neck. Around this time Nino came. so its 3-1+1. hehehe. anyway, Nino suggested we should be going to the beach, and bring our stuff with us. so we did. But before that, when Moshe tried to put some sprite on the glass he lost hold of the sprite bottle and the tip broke and out of his instincts he grabbed it, he ended up with a nasty cut on his finger.

I went inside the house. Made sure it was locked, and grabbed my shades and some ice and went to the beach.

Man i feel nauseous writing this blog. Remembering how it feels.

At the beach, i texted Karen and Jillian how they are, and what they are doing.. I wanted to catch up with them after they finish there "gurl thing" lol. i think they went to some beauty salon.=P Kar?

Things got a little blurry now on this part. Maybe its around 5:00 Pm. We were at our friend's public beach. (hmm that doesnt sound right). Well they own the tables that people can rent on the beach. But we got in for free. At first they warned Nino not to make fun with the people, especially their customers. We told his mom, yeah we're cool we're just hanging out. Then more and more people came. And drank with us.

I was "tipsy" at this stage. and maybe in the Invisible stage of drunkeness.

Me and my friend went near those group that were singing videoke. I think they were all girls but we didnt like mess with them (i think). Good thing that they didnt have any guys with them.. else.. things wouldnt be so nice. lol

So after finishing the tanduay, i bought 2 red horse grande, for the 4 of us now. Cos the other friends are on another "tagay". They were drinking in another table jst next to us. I said why dont we joined them, i sat with them and drank with them and called out my group to merge. so there.. one happy not so sober group.

details stop there. last thing i knew they brought me home. I sat on our couch and saw a kid inside the house, it was prolly sis' bf's nephew. I went to mom's bathroom and puked like hell on the floor (mom is out of town). I hadnt had enough strength so i sat at the floor and instead of turning on the shower i turned on the faucet. lol. I know Nino was laughing at me. But cannot see anything at this point. Then i took off all my clothes and grabbed a towel and jumped into bed. And I can remember i screamed for help at my sis. And then I can feel that she tried to feed me a piece of chicken they were cooking... that tiny bite ended up being my dinner.

end of story.

I woke up at around 11pm, and textd Karen that i am too drunk to hang out with them.

The next day, well honestly until now, i feel a strange not so annoying feeling at my left appendage just below my rib cage. i dont know what it is. Yesterday i was soooooooo i dont knw. Luckily I didnt have a headache. Dont want to brag but most of the times i dont have hangover, but i felt like i was still drank. After sleeping again at around 1am i woke up at 6am and for the first time in my life woke up our helper to cook me some food. Im so sorry. But i was just feeling "strange". After eating breakfast (Monday morning - holiday), i slept again. and woke up around 10 plus and played NBA.

That game got me dizzy i almost lost. hahahah.. i almost didnt wanna finish it. and i felt like puking but i cant, cos mom just arrived from baguio.. oops she arrived that night, but i dont know what time, and guess what i was sleeping at her bed. =P

anyway. after playing. i ate lunch felt "half-drunk" still. i dont know what to do. I even got energy to try to negotiate a house-sale. lol.

Still not knowing what to do. (Cant sleep, but to dizzy to be awake) I brought my car to a car wash. and she got off some asphalt that were sticking on the paint for some time now.

went home. and slept.

had dinner..

Then i got a text from Jillian, asking if i want to go out and drink the great RH lol.. I was like. WAaaah. Ultimately this is going to test if im sane or not. Hahaha i really really wanted to drink that time. Its just that i know my body is skaaayrd. Mind prevailed. I stayed home.. well luckily, just before a split second where i can easily decide to grab the keys and drive to the city ... mom arrived. =P So my body gave a big *sigh* lol.

I decided to take my mind off that turned down invite of a beer session, i played Warhammer. or i forgot the name of the PC game. It was lent to me by my cuzn Dylan. i didnt really play that game before. Its just that i thought id get dizzy playing NBA again and not be able to finish the game.

I ended up nauseous again. This time because of that stupid High Acceleration 3d game. argh!

='(

I went to bed... Tried to psyche Jill that drinking wasnt good. lol. But i guess she's too focused on getting her grades up. (HAHAHA)

I woke up early today. 6am... Why? i dont know.. But that part , left side, i guess at my 2nd to the last rib.. still has that annoying feeling. And yeah, im not so "post-drunk" anymore, but i could really use some hot shower. Oh shoot. i didnt bring my stuff.

=(

2006-04-28T15:31:00.000+08:00

to anyone who can tell me..

2006-04-28T10:36:00.000+08:00

for the past years i have asked myself.

with all the pain this world can give., the most unbearable ones (not speaking for myself only).

why is there a need for us to live life?.. when in the process, there is pain, and ultimately in the end... all things will be gone.

='(

and there was MOBY

2006-04-28T10:24:00.000+08:00

while looking for a "good" set of mp3s to listen to, i came across Moby's Bodyrock.

hmm.. i remember this song when i think i was still in 2nd or 3rd year college when this was featured in beatnik. where, pre set instruments are left for u to mix to come up with this song..

arrgh i dont know if i explained it very well. but technically this song was my first experience with "mixing" hehehe and then there was rebirth. wow.. that was like 5years ago..

i would have been a DJ now. and maybe touring with the Ministry of Sound. argh. but then again im the kind that sits this one out..

im a LOsER.

='(

a day in the life of..

Moving to Wordpress

hi ho

hey steff

and now i write again #2

and now i write again

survival skills, and the methods of the "i-could-care-less"

the space between...

the mouse harp fairy

taking a break...

people and their addiction

~*~*~

anna begins 2

anna begins - counting crows

Sunday. im up and working. =)

saturday night

4:51PM

everything has time... but not our love.

i am the devik

Metallica \m/

Lunchtime... day #2

When Did You Fall by Chris Rice

listening to When Did You fall by Chris Rice

yay ger

Satellite - BT

Love in the Time of Cholera, and grammar

Love in the Time of Cholera

a loser pauses and ponders....

4:43 pm

hmmm...

.. just so i wont forget

... just finished another song poem

Drowned

Pain Killer - Turin Brakes

saturday

The Lake House - original soundtrack

pinch me

hoohum

walk home

at least something is working

i officialy like the band AIR

.. an isolated environment

Courtney Love raaaawwks!

i hope i get to see this movie

im gonna buy me a stairway to heaven

swimming

traffic light says yellow... meaning Caution

the hobbits with elvin english

the ballad of the 24 somethings

A Staring Contest with a Flower

revenge of the nice guys....

here

earlier this morning...

erik is a dealer... ere a leader.

rage against the taxis

the cure for the sickness

My Drug Buddy

such a pretty song.. exactly what i am feelin now.

the flood

tsk tsk

Journal Entry #57

here's what i was listening to .. minutes ago..

Nos bracos de Isabel

Bigfoot sportsfest.... and the camera loves me. =)

a perfect album

just a thought

kahayag cafe

what for?

a sad Korean music video

i adore

[untitled]

thru the one way glass

Ants and Rants

[untitled]

don't drink and ..... pose like a model. =)

summer rain

lost and found

light mood....

a lesson i learned

spare me your french..

~~~