while listening to further to fall...

i have this urge to write something. but somehow i just cant. hmmmm nothing comes out of my mind.maybe this is due to my lack of sleep.i have been feeling low lately. (ahem i think i said that too many times)but that same question is back to haunt me again. what is the difference between tomorrow and now, and yesterday.for me, nothing seems to change. it's a struggle. everyday. and im tired of it. im tired of waking up, of goig to the ofcof eating breakfast, of going to the shower, to change, to play the guitar, to write sms, to write emails, to do my projects.
maybe i am looking for that cool change. maybe not. maybe im just not gonna live anymore. hehe. maybe the a/c isnt working im f***** sweating here. somehow i got thru this morning listening to Stone Temple Pilots.. i got a little bit easy when i heard "Art School Girlfriend"as what i have learned in my study of buddhism, all this misery can very well be frustrated desires. Desires are what makes us attached to something, and this attachment is not very good. it makes us forget of ourselves, but we are now focused on our desires. so there, im letting all of them go,and while were at it, someone please take my life. lol. i feel like i am living the life of ms shiny black ball. (see previous writeups)
my life is going nowhere. the song Nowhere Man means a lot to me... (now more than ever) i have experimented with life by quiting work and staying at home, but in theend i was still uncontented. there are so many things i want to do, but i have only achieved them at a certain level. not extraordinary. well im just a plain guy.a poor young country boy (to be poetic at that).
hmmm.. i have changed my wallpaper to a face of a dog. i didnt look it up in the net, i found it here in my pc.somehow something is still lacking. i admire people who really plan there day, and live dynamically. mine is a slump. a snail moves faster.i need some wine.. gimme some more of that wine. speaking of wine, i got really drunk last friday that my "classmates" had to drive me home.ehehhe. well good thing i didnt bring my car. it doesnt happen very often that i come home dead drunk, since i started driving.
hopefully something life changing (in a good way) happens to me soon.. it might be too late. hahahahah
i want to write about fields of white tulips. that's what i have been seeing in my head lately. i dreamt of someone who died on those lonely fields. hmmm