and now i write again #2

in keeping with the previous post, it is exactly 1 month and 4 days since the last one.and decades since i wrote a good one here.

im sorry blog. it's just that it is no longer convenient for me to post my thoughts here. primarily because the ofc disallows the misuse of the internet. but dear blog, i have written some song poems for u.. hehe some really sad ones. i think there are like 5 of them already i dont know.

so where was i.

ok so now i finally got the time to write stuff. but i lost the magic of spontaniety.. .if there is such a word. my critics.. please check. heheh ok so im like insomniac right at this moment. why? because of some things that are not going my way. hehehe ok so im acting like a child. yes . maybe i am. but dont we all get disappointed when thing dont happen as we want them to be?

mine is a little different though. cos i believe in the saying .. a blessing in disguise. but then again who am i to predict the future.

blah blah blah...

oh well. if there's any good about tonight, it is the new adventure of my friend Arman. he is off to another place, and brave enough to go there alone, and with just a hand carried conviction to change his life... or at least do something worthwile.

i on the other hand, have spent my last few months drinking , playing games (not those that are called amusing, but mostly mind games... or the kind that is called.. the games people play). i have turned a quarter of a century older. but where am i? i am still stuck here. from where i was the day i was born. i might be older. heavier. and more knowledgeable of course.. but somehow it feels pretty monotonous already.. that i cannot wait to die and live again..

oh yeah.. nick drake. i love nick drake's songs.. pink moon and river man. and he was featured in The Lakehouse soundtrak.. i dont wanna elaborate as i have mentioned it already on previous blogs. but i just found out that he died at the age of 26. i was like wow.. that is a year from now for me. but what have i done? no pink moon and river man songs. no recording of some material that people notice.. well we did have one. hehehe but something of there level..

maybe i just overlooked at myself. maybe i should re assess. or maybe i should just die. either way.. the headache is starting to kick in now. lolz. and i dont know what to do. i want to sleep but yet not..

i was surprised to open my blog again and find the dmb song space between. that song was in my head for the past days, and i cannot remember exactly how the lines with ... u know u went off like the devil.. blah blah go. so there., i got my closure as i read the lyrics.

life is indeed full of surprises. they however dont guarantee a 100% to ur liking.

some surprises hurt

and they are the ones i dont like. like the kind that freezes my gmail and not be able to read my goddamn fucking emails. hehehe

what good is tomorrow? if i would be frank with myself.. tomorrow is now., as i can hear the roosters.. but to go in line with the feelings that the song Today, by smashing pumpkins... i say tomorrow is nothing to get excited about. today is the greatest day.. and yeah i cannot wait for tomorrow.. cos tomorrow is much too long... and i am too scared to let bad things happen to me .... that id trade the good ones.

so if tomorrow people will find out that i am already dead. i say to all of u.. see u again. =) and i love the people i love and u know who u are.. or at least ask some of my friends for reference.


but if tomorrow id still be alive. and it is because.... the pills didnt kick in. and yeah.. it might be just another boring day.

=)