people and their addiction

each one of us has his/her addiction. i define addiction as something that you "crave" for. you know that it will cause long term issues but you would rather trade it for the "moment's pleasure" (hmm i don't really know if it is 's or moments) anyway.

fuck . i dont know what to say anymore. lol

~*~*~

my friends say you already found someone new
and that he is so in love with you
they say i should try to move on
and spend time on something else

but there is something they never knew
i could be dreaming or it could be true
you were loving me when i was with you

my friends say i should teach my heart
live a new life, and go back to the start
they say i should try to be happy again
and spend time on something else

but into your arms was the only world i knew
i could be dreaming or it could be true
you were loving me when i was with you

my friends say im losing my mind
they laugh and say that i am the stupid kind
please help me tell them our secret
please help me make them understand

that you gave me kisses so sweet
you gave me roses on the coldest days of winter
you gave me everything that i ever needed..

but now, where are my roses?

anna begins 2

i got this from http://dnausers.d-n-a.net/dnetYjqY/ccfaq/aaea/ADAMSAYS.HTM

Anna Begins
"It's about denial -- how far you'll go to deny that something's really happening because it's too complicated, too terrifying, too difficult. It's about me and Anna: The relationship was supposed to be light -- we met on vacation -- but we got further into it and it became harder and harder."



it appears this song talks about the denial of "what's going on".

hehehehe

anna begins - counting crows

Jesus christ. up to this moment im still stuck in a very wierd emotional state. its like i jst swallowed a golf ball that has been stuck in my throat for months. no kidding. it feels like that. it is relieving but then it creates a vacuum. and all the freaking emotions that i dont want to feel now starts to come in., and all that. fuck this.
You see. a couple of months back, i so often think about this song.. this "mystery" song that im sure i have heard before and read or discussed with someone (it appears the latter was more correct) the meaning of the song.
We come to the conclusion. that the story of the song is that there's this guy, who plays it cool. he says that all things are ok with him and this girl. he keeps convincing himself that he is on top of things.."i am not worried, i am not overly concerned".. cos maybe he's been there before.. but his friends tell him maybe this time., itll hit him.
then if he is confronted by the girl, and he can easily sway it away. and he has some "quick solutions" - i will just change my name.
then., when they get to the point where they face the truth. HE., realizes that he is in love with the girl. and this time, he sort of begs the girl that he is in love with her. but this time the girl shoves it away... because the girl thinks that LOVE has a lot of consequences and its not all romance and the fun part.
so there.
now that he finally decided that he is in love with the girl... ALas (lol what a term) the girl changed...
why? we will never know.. maybe the girl didnt have the same feeling as the guy.
take note of the lines,., "when she sneezes.. blah blah blah" i think it is the most romantic.
hehehe
here's the lyrics.


My friend assures me its all or nothingI am not worried- I am not overly concernedMy friend implores me for one time only,Make an exception. I am not not worriedWrap her up in a package of liesSend her off to a coconut islandI am not worried - I am not overly concernedWith the status of my emotionsOh, she says, were changing.But were always changingIt does not bother me to say this isnt loveBecause if you dont want to talk about it then it isnt loveAnd I guess Im going to have to live thatBut, Im sure theres something in a shade of grayOr something in betweenAnd I can always change my name if thats what you meanMy friend assures me its all or nothing`But I am not really worriedI am not overly concernedYou try to tell your self the things you try tell your self to makeYourself forgetTo make your self forgetI am not worriedIf its love she said, then were gonna have to think about theConsequencesShe cant stop shaking and I can t stop touching her and.....This time when kindness falls like rainIt washes her away and anna begins to change her mindThese seconds when Im shaking leave me shudderingFor days she says.And Im not ready for this sort of thingBut Im not gonna breakAnd Im not going to worry about it anymoreIm not gonna bend. and Im not gonna break andIm not gonna worry about it anymoreIt seems like I should say as long as this is love...But its not all that easy so maybe I should justSnap her up in a butterfly net-Pin her down on a photograph albumI am not worriedIve done this sort of thing beforeBut then I start to think about the consequencesBecause I dont get no sleep in a quiet room and...The time when kindness falls like rainIt washes me away and anna begins change my mindAnd every time she sneezes I believe its loveAnd oh lord.... Im not ready for this sort of thingShe s talking in her sleep-it s keeping me awakeAnd anna begins to toss and turnAnd every word is nonsense but I understand it andOh lord. I m not ready for this sort of thingHer kindness bangs a gongIts moving me along and anna begins to fade awayIt s chasing me away. she dissappears, and oh lord Im not ready for this sort of thing

Sunday. im up and working. =)

it is a great sunday morning. i woke up at 7:15 hehehe. the swimmers outside are too noisy for me to wake up anyway. and yeah im working on some projects again. talking to my client from the states.

the sun is up, the sky is blue, its beautiful and so are you. *wink*

- Dear Prudence, by the Beatles

saturday night

it's a saturday night and im at home. i just finished doing some parts of my project. a website. i didnt go to the office today. yea., we now have work on saturdays which is a major pain for me. In college, i made it a point never to take subjects that have saturdays.. why? i set that time for football. hehehe usually when the University Football League season comes, my saturdays are reserved just for the games. =) i played for the Mech Engineering team, and yeah.. i played for the Physics team as well. The league was interschool. i think we played agains cdc, uc, up and some other schools.. we never got to the finals. best we got was semis.. i cannot remember. =P

ok so it's another boring saturday. and it is sooo hot here. argh!

im gonna hit the showers later .. i guess. =)


i am quite worried about my health. tuesday till thursday i had this splitting headache. this morning well lunch time, i felt dizzy and nauseous. i dont know why. i just played NBA then. hehehhe but it was still on the first like 5mins.

well.., maybe i should go to a doctor. lolz

late this afternoon my uncle textd me., and everyone else, that he is sleeping in our family's house in andres abellana for the last time... in 50 years. yeah. we sold the house. (my father's and his siblings' house) and they split the money earned.

sad to say. that's where the house in Andres Abellana ended. in someone else's hand. I dont know what my dad, and my grandma and grandpa are saying now..(now that we cannot hear there comments) they mustve been sad as well. i missed the house. it was a huge house. it's got six rooms with a huge master's bedroom on the 2nd floor. where, we temporarily stayed for some months when my sister was on her last year in college.. or maybe 2 years before graduating.

and yeah... the street across is named after my late grandma. Concepcion Gantuangco Briones. and it is sad to know.. that there will be no brioneses around the area. where my dad grew up. if i had it my way.. my impractical emotionally driven way,,.. we keep the house.

but it doesnt work anymore. no one lives there practically. cept for an aunt and an uncle. the house is tooo old that if it could scream it would ask for a much needed facelift.

if., somehow i can find the means to buy the house. i would. but that is a longshot. i think in my lifetime i can never have the amount of money, even 1/10th of its price. lolz

but such is life. there are things that we really have to let go... no matter how priceless they are. it is very sad. and it made me even sadder actually writing about it.. and thinking about it.

i have just downloaded the mccartney song from the lakehouse. .oooh yeah. =)

4:51PM

summer was fun
we were blessed by the sun

the leaves of autumn fell
as did i

you left me with winter

everything has time... but not our love.

Just like V.I.Lenin's preface on the book "Imperialism the highest form of Socialism", i am going to advise on the conditions as to my writing this blog.

It is severely discouraged. lol. but there are no wars. present or the "cold" one. But maybe there is. one which dont have guns, but of decisions, hearts minds.. and godforsaken salaries.

well whatever.

my purpose for writing this blog is that i would like to note, that yesterday, it occured to me that i wanted to have a baby. yes. a baby boy. i hope he comes up already 4-5years old. and he can speak already. i would take care of him. give him everything he needed, spoil him at that. i would hug him. and kiss him. I dont know why that thought occured to me. But it was influenced by me hanging out in our family friend's house. And they have this adorable kid (who cried when i left their house after his bday party). And on that tuesday (i didnt go to work) i went to their house because i asked for help ..re: my car.

so when can i honestly.. realistically say that i can raise a child? not in the near future i guess. with the salary i have. i dont think i will be able to give him a "bright" future. lolz

well anyway.

i wasnt able to write that last Monday. I went to Badger's (bar) to watch the world cup. My team for that particular match won. And i won P200 as well. not bad. Considering i didnt sleep that night, and i slept at 5:30am and woke up at 7:30 to prepare for work... And i got drunk, and my car got drunk as well.. and tuesday was hell.

i had a friggin headache the wholeday.. even up to today. argh.

Last night i watched the Lennon Come Together concert again. And tried to figure out the how to play "Julia". =)

nice song..

i am the devik

i dont know if this is funny... or this is destiny.
hehehe

but i tried it and guess what popped up.

You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans. You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts. At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation. Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later! Your fortune: Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made. You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down. It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them. It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Metallica \m/

one beer and a few hours later....

i am logging on the internet. read my mails. .. and searched for Enter Sandman tablatures.

ok so this song is old. and probably everyone who adds gain to their guitar knows the riffs..

i came in a little late in this world... a little too late for the drugs of the 60s.

chill.

Lunchtime... day #2

i find it unfair if i write something about my "new office" in its first day, so i made one on the 2nd day. is my excuse good enough? hehehe i dont even know if my doing this will cause me trouble, but i couldnt care less. yesterday i woke up a little earlier than usual. i went to the ofc earlier way earlier than my 9:30 sched as well.

i got here. greeted by everyone. questions,. useless info. nonetheless it was a warm welcome.

i had lunch at the canteen with the other creative guys. went back to my chair. no longer a cubicle, should u want to know. =P

i went out at exactly 7:09, and raced back to the city. i was driving a bit cautious. hehehe plus the fact that i was pretty much engrossed in my mileage/gas/consumption issue. argh

so i arrived at ramos at around 8:00pm. and all things went normal. meet up with the usual suspects. dinner and alcohol followed. i went home at around 11:30 though. LAME! hehehe true enough, i was tired to drive today.

Ahem. But driving to mactan today was a lot more exciting than yesterday.. i had 2 near accidents. lolz. i earned me 1000 hell points for that. =P

first.., i saw a multicab heading towards my direction (going back to the city) , and he was overtaking anothe multicab, so half of his body is on my lane. what i did, i also overtook the multicab on my lane. lol .. so we were like one hundred percent head on each other.. hahahhahaha and i swerved back, as he did.

we were like 2 fighter planes dodging each other.... hehehe sans the colored chaffe (i dont know if this is corerect)

it was a WHEW. then came my blindspot-overtaking. the van infront of me overtook a multicab and then i followed.. but i was quite certain there was something coming because the van swerved back to his lane. what a didnt expect was it was a HUUUUGE truck!. lolz. i had to push my brakes.. so did the yellow multicab on my right. and i made a sharp "go-back-to-my-lane" move. hehheheh

that .. made me happy. =)

back to what it's like here... im more productive here. i have been able to do the tasks that i normally dont do till the next day.. lolz you wouldnt understand if start talking about codes.. or maybe u would but lets just say i overdid myself php-wise. *wink* i am inspired. hahahhhah

the only problem here is the location. not of the entire office but of my desk. i loved my place in ramos. here, it's a bit too distracting. and the light shines upon me... i can see st peter's outstretched arms welcoming me to heaven.

=)

that is all folks. and yeah they say our instant messengers are being monitored. well.. read all you want guys.. read all you want.